The line graph gives information about the number of foreign visitors who came to the coast, the mountains and the lakes in a European country from 1987 to 2007. In general, what stands out from the graph is that while the number of visitors to the coast and the mountains increased, there was a significant growth in that for the lakes which following by a decline in 2007.


In 1987, the figure of foreign visitors to the coast and mountains stood at 40,000 and 20,000 respectively. The number of visitors to the coast then went down slightly in 1992 before it saw a continuous increasing to 75,000 in 2007. That for the mountains had the similar trend to the coast. However, there were more fluctuations in the number of foreign visitors to mountains than that of visitors to the coast. In 2007, the number of visitors to the mountain ended at around 37,000, just two times more than its beginning.


The number of overseas visitors to the lakes started at 10,000 which was the lowest in comparison with the beginning of other areas. After 1987, this number rose dramatically and reach a peak of 75,000 in 2002, same with the figure of visitors to the coast in 2007. Despite this upward trend, the number of foreigners visiting the lakes slumped by 25,000 from 2002 to 2007.

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as IELTS TASK 1 Writing band descriptors :

Task achievement:

  • Clear overview
  • covers the requirements of the task

Vocabulary :

  • You shouldn’t write ‘its’ for academic style
  • I think you use a range of vocabulary generally, but you still repeat ‘the number’ and ‘visitor’ a lot

Grammar

  • ‘there was a significant growth in that for the lakes’ you should use ‘the’ for ‘a’ because growth is an uncountable noun
  • You should change ‘the figure of’ and use ‘the figure for’ instead
  • You should use ‘same’ with ‘the’

Coherence:

  • Some context use ‘that’ more than usual so make it unclear

In addition, I think your writing is too long, at nearly 230 words, you make it shorter and I think you should make an overview separately. Finally, I think a band 6.5 to 7.0 should be convenient

Please read my advice on Task 1 essays: IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice


The line graph gives information about (Information about ... is very vague. In Task 1, write clearly and precisely.) the number of foreign visitors who came to the coast, the mountains and the lakes in a European country from 1987 to 2007. In general, what stands out from the graph is that while the number of visitors to the coast and the mountains increased, there was a significant growth in that for the lakes which following by a decline in 2007.

(Use my model format for Task 1 essays. This is for the second paragraph. Example:

In general, what stands out from the graph is that while the number of visitors to all the destinations the coast and the mountains increased, the lakes being highest at 40,000, the coast second at 35,000 and the mountains third at 15,000.. The lakes had a peak visitor count in 2002, seven and a half times more than in 1987. But the numbers declined by a third between 2002 and 2007.


In 1987, the figure (wrong word - number) of foreign visitors to the coast and mountains (Why did you omit the lakes?) was stood at 40,000 and 20,000 respectively. The number of visitors to the coast then went down slightly in 1992 before it saw a continuous increase increasing to 75,000 in 2007. That for the mountains had a the similar trend to the coast. However, there were more fluctuations (wrong word - variations) in the number going of foreign visitors to the mountains than that of visitors to the coast. In 2007, the number of visitors to the mountain ended at around 37,000, just two 1.75 times more than the beginning.


The number of overseas visitors to the lakes started at 10,000 which was the lowest in comparison with the beginning of other areas. After 1987, this number rose dramatically and reach a peak of 75,000 in 2002, same with the figure of visitors to the coast in 2007. Despite this upward trend, the number of foreigners visiting the lakes slumped by 25,000 from 2002 to 2007.

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