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I am creating the web copy for the web site of the company, involved in development of the solutions for vertical markets. Below are the first two patagraphs, which will be placed to the start page. I need opinions as per English, style, and confidence the text places, if possible. Will you want to read further, having read the below description? I am ready to get both positive and negative critisizing. Emotion: smileThanks in advance.

What we do

We create, maintain, and customize software solutions to facilitate day-to-day real estate and car rental business operations. Focused on your success, not only VeryGoodCompany team works for you, it works with you, helping you to achieve new heights your business deserves. At VeryGoodCompany, we adapt technology to your business needs so that you could realize the value of your investment over time.

Who we are

VeryGoodCompany is a team of highly-qualified professionals, software developers, and QA engineers, specializing in development of automated solutions for vertical markets, in particular for property management industry and car rental service. We provide a broad range of development and support services to people throughout the World. Contact us to discuss your needs so we can start working on your solutions today.
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KedraI am creating the web copy for the web site of the company, involved in development of the solutions for vertical markets. Below are the first two patagraphs, which will be placed to the start page. I need opinions as per English, style, and confidence the text places, if possible. Will you want to read further, having read the below description? I am ready to get both positive and negative critisizing. Emotion: smileThanks in advance.

What we do

We create, maintain, and customize software solutions to facilitate day-to-day real estate and car rental business operations. Focused on your success, VeryGoodCompany team works not only for you, but also with you, helping you to achieve new heights your business deserves. At VeryGoodCompany, we adapt technology to your business needs so that you could realize the value of your investment over time. The change is an example of parallel structure that is misused by even the educated in AE.

Who we are

VeryGoodCompany is a team of highly-qualified professionals, software developers, and QA engineers, specializing in the development of automated solutions for vertical markets, in particular for property management industry and car rental service. We provide a broad range of development and support services to people throughout the World. Please / We encourage you to Contact us to discuss your needs so we can start working on your solutions today. Sounds less like a command.

I hope these ideas help. Other people may have advice that I've overlooked, but it looks good!
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What we do
We create, maintain, and customize software solutions to facilitate day-to-day real estate and car rental business operations. Focused on your success, not only does theVeryGoodCompany team works for you, it works with you, helping you to achieve the success new heights your business deserves. At VeryGoodCompany, we adapt technology to your business needs, enabling you to so that you could realize the full value of your investment over time.

Who we are

VeryGoodCompany is a team of highly-qualified professionals, software developers, and QA engineers, specializing in the development of automated solutions for vertical markets, in particular for the property management industry and car rental services. We provide a broad range of development and support services to people throughout the Wworld. Contact us to discuss your needs so we can start working on your solutions today.

I think it's very well written.

CJ
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Comments  
Thank you, Philip, I do agree that "please" will be more appropriate in the last sentence. Emotion: smile
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