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Anyaone can help check the converstation would be appreciated

Hi, may I speak to xxxxxxx?

This is Fannie from ABC. Are you convenient to talk for a moment?
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

We received your SMS regarding you have made the payment.
May I know which bank did you transfer to? Is it ABC Bank to ABC Bank?
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

What is the amount you transfer?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When did you do the transfer?
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thank you so much for your information.
I will update our department and verify the payment for you. Have a nice day!
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Comments  (Page 2) 
You cannot use 'May I know'-- it is not English.
If "May i know" is broken language.

How do i ask politely on the phone?
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'Could you tell me'
Hi,

I am a bit confused with 'Could you tell me' and 'May I know'.

If someone calls and I would like to know who the caller is, do I ask "Could you tell me who is calling please?"?. Is it wrong to say "May I know who is calling please?"?.

Also, is it wrong if i say "I am not convenient to talk now" or should I say "Is not convenient to talk now"

Thanks a lot.
I am a bit confused with 'Could you tell me' and 'May I know'.-- It is very simple. The second one is wrong. It is Chinglish or Japlish or whatever language you are coming from.

If someone calls and I would like to know who the caller is, do I ask "Could you tell me who is calling please?"?. Is it wrong to say "May I know who is calling please?"? --Yes, it is wrong. Simply say 'Who's calling please?' or 'Who shall I say is calling, please?'

Also, is it wrong if i say "I am not convenient to talk now" or should I say "Is not convenient to talk now"-- I think I have already told you that the first one is wrong. People are not 'convenient'. Situations and times are 'convenient': 'Would 3 pm be convenient for you?' ' Is it convenient for you to talk to me now?'
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Thank you for your explanation. I learnt alot.
Kindly SMS to notify us when you make the transfer so that we can advise our account department and verify your payment

Kindly SMS to notify us when you make the transfer so that we can advise our account department to verify your payment

Could you tell me which the correct one is?
Kindly SMS to notify us when you make the transfer so that we can advise our account department and verify your payment
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Mr Ong Convenient to talk now