As guided by Clive, here is the first one that I need help on. Thanks Emotion: smile

That Small Place

By AnOnLooker
It’s early in the morning. About quarter past seven. The cool breeze fills the atmosphere; the sky still seems heavy and gloomy, from the morning mist that formed as if it had been raining. The small old roads are cramped with vehicles, from which many girls, gladly enough to step out of and enter the gate that everyday separates them from the outside world for a short moment in time. A world that is barely known; one that holds the past, present and future – everlastingly, but yet still, is unpredictable.

Back into the safer and sound side, she walks calmly, carefully placing her footsteps onto the cement blocks-made-into-pavements and avoids the grass as if it’s a game, just to amuse herself. She is, at this instant, in her second home. This young lady is in her school of ten years, her one and only school for that matter. Climbing up the stairs, she clearly beholds of the sky getting brighter. The clouds, unlike before, have assembled themselves high in the free space in a manner of soft satin gently creased.

She climbs up, in the direction of the room that holds a mountain of memories. For the most part it’s the valuable lessons taught that instinctively teach her of something more, maybe life. But just like most of the rest, she doesn’t distinguish it from the best outlook, at least not yet. It’s also the room that witnesses what had happened, what made her tears shed, the fun laughter with friends she had, and sometimes the displeasures that she wishes one can fling out of the window of his life.

Lessons aside, she tends to take things very acutely, when some people just able to have a glimpse, persist with their obligations and never recall that moment ever again for the rest of their well-lived lives. So she has been told. The dark clouded sadness she has in her takes over rather often and she isn’t all but fortunate, as as God’s will, there are many kind souls day in day out to offer her friendships, care and love. Things she hasn’t certainly felt out of home. The friendships she wants to be true, the care and love she hopes is sincere and from the heart.
And when she thought the confusing years – ones where she lived as if to solve riddles almost every single day just to move on to the next are long put to end, an old nonexistent puzzle drops on her. It is without a doubt, more incomplete than before; some of the pieces are at hand. This young lady knows but she hates to admit that she has to come to a decision on where to situate these pieces, carefully, so the puzzle will be done without her having lost any pieces. Quitting has always been an option before; it all depends on whether or not she wants to. But sad to say, not this time.

So, since then, everywhere she goes and led to, she has it with her. In her. One day, she gets a miserable feeling, extremely worn out by everything she has going on in her life. She feels alone and ignored by family members. That day turns out to be a teacher and she learns that opening up to others makes it much easier. She finds ease in letting people know how she feels inside. And although weeping, sitting at a corner won’t help; to her the tears are meant to cut in for her to breathe and every other time, to rise again. And learn.
Talking to this wonderful person she looks up to, who she assumed before, is just another ordinary stranger, makes her ponder about the little things she used to take for granted in life, and maybe still does, but a glance of that moment will make it a part of her which matures and able to discover something new, rekindle something old, without her knowing. In fact, that has happened. She’s starting to see the good in people and embrace it and the unlikable in others but still tries to muddle through with patience.

This girl is even reintroduced unintentionally by the person to an old friend that she had forgotten. A good friend she failed to take together even though they seemed to need each in times of difficulties and struggles. Occasionally she feels like it was her fault that they grew apart. But now, she knows things are better. She never looks out for a friend like she does now. The sky that she admires so much has a sun rising to shine beyond everything. Pieces of the puzzles are slowly recognized and noticeable by the day. It’s time for her to put them at their places.

When she puts one piece at its place, apparently another few loses clutch, off the board they jump out. The thought of losing a friend scares her, just because she has been to that dark place. The place where she felt so lonely, the place where she had so many friends but yet, nobody was really there. Everyone seemed to be blindfolded and didn’t see her then, at the place. Because of that, she let herself get hurt, by a friend – maybe more. Again, the person has taught, or rather her that friendship doesn’t mean hurting or getting hurt. So, she decides that her friends will know. When it’s time. She’ll decide when it is.
She doesn’t know what people expect of her. And she doesn’t want to at the moment. She wants to change and mend the mistakes she has made. It’s not as simple when it’s the same old people that her life revolves around to bring herself a new her. Well, isn’t that what her life, all lives are about? Putting the puzzle together, although it may get more and more delicate by the day. Some may not think so. She can hear some of these people – always does because they think she’s one of them at times, and inside, she doesn’t mind because she knows them like friends know each other. This girl knows that she and these people are not the ones to have life-long friendships.

She will, however, keep on trying because after all, lately, changing is what she’s having problems succeeding. A person once said, “Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” For once, maybe things can change for a person. If, only if, she manages to change herself, maybe a little, maybe a whole lot, then the few last steps out of that gate she came into will be the best memories that she will forever have dearly in her heart. Who would’ve thought that small place could bring changes like that to people? Well, definitely not her.

“When you rediscover something that you already know,

that’s when you forgot to take a peek from the other side.”
Hi,

I am confused about all the things you mentioned about her. Could you tell us more about her before talking about how she feels?
^ Hi. I forgot my password, so I'm writing this as anynomous. I'm not sure how in depth you'd like to know. he's a student who's in her final year of high school. You know, confusing teen years. This story is basically her school life day in day out seen from a "slower pace".
Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
Hi,

You can provide details that give us more clues about her life.

e.g. courses she's taking, music she listens to, her hobbies

You need to sprinkle enough of these clues to give us an idea what she's like.

e.g. Let's say she is a 15-year-old and this is 1983.

"The radio was playing Madonna for the nth time. She turned it off. It was already 8:30 p.m. She knew she had to do something about her Algebra test the next day, so she dragged out her Math book, opened it to the first chapter, and tried to make some sense of the formulas."
She's 17 and has a busy school life. Supportive family, many friends and quite the people person. Has a twin who's away, so feeling lonely than usual. Listens to pretty much all kinds of music - pop to rock to country to non-mainstreams. Loves music very much. Likes to be on the computer, graphics and website designs. Not sure of what she wants to do in the future. Still a question mark there. Sometimes hurt by friends. Quite sensitive. Perfectionist. Pessimist.

Is that OK?Emotion: smile
Hi Atikah,

You've provided more details, but you are telling instead of showing.

For example:

Telling - "Loves music very much."

Showing - "It's 8:30 and she had to study for her Algebra test, but she did not want to turn off the music. In fact, she had her Walkman on even when she was at..."
Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.
Hi. I thought you wanted to know more about the character. Didn't occur to me that you're giving me guidelines in improving the story. It's been useful though. And I will go through and maybe redo some parts if I have the time. Did you find any grammatical mistakes? Thanks a lot.