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hi there im wondering if you could help me edit my thank you letter for a company..i hope you could edit my grammar and maybe add or remove words that will be helpful for my letter..ill wait for ur reply..here's my draft below..thank you for ur time!Godbless!ill appreciate it so muchEmotion: embarrassed

Jan 26,2009
Mr. Redentor Pagtalunan Chief Finance Officer FEU-NRMF

Dear Sir:
I would like to thank you for approving my application to operate Sushi To Go at FEU-NRMF Medical Center. It is my pleasure to work with you and I know that FEU-NRMF was really a good choice to put up my second branch.
I would also like to thank you Sir for all the assistance you have provided me during my application. I appreciate the information and advice you have given, as well as the connections you have shared with me. Your expertise and help have been invaluable during this process.
I would also like to ask for ur approval of our 20% discount opening promo that will be held for 3 day. We woud also ask for your permission if we could also sell bottled mineral water for 18pesos.
Again, thank you so much. I sincerely appreciate all your help and kindness.

Sincerely,
Soleil Capulong
Marketing Manager
Sushi To Go
Comments  
Your letter is good, but need some adjustment (capital letters for highlighting corrections ONLY):

"...advice you have given ME."
"...for YOUR approval of our..."
"...be held for 3 dayS."
"...wouLd also ask for your permission if we could sell bottled mineral water for 18pesos."
"...Again, thank you so much. I REALLY appreciate all your help and kindness."

Regards,

Dear Sir:
I would like to thank you for approving my application to operate Sushi To Go at FEU-NRMF Medical Center. It will be my pleasure to work with you and I know that FEU-NRMF was a very good choice for my second branch.
In addition, I would also like to thank you, Sir, for all the assistance you have provided during the application process.  I appreciate the information and advice you have given, as well as the connections you have shared with me. Your expertise and help have been invaluable during this time.
Finally, I would also like to ask for your approval of a 20% discount opening promo that we hope to hold for 3 days, as well as the opportunity to sell bottled mineral water for 18 pesos per bottle.
Again, thank you so much. I sincerely appreciate all your help and kindness and look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Soleil Capulong
Marketing Manager, 
Sushi To Go