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Hey guys, so i've decided to make an account cause posting anonymously didn't seem to be working. I apologize if this post comes up again if the anonymous posting decided to work. So basically I'm trying to transfer from campus to another and unfortunately I don't have the required GPA to do so because I was really sick in my first year and didn't do so well. But since im currently at the top of my class I was told to try my luck. Ever since i was a kid in Canada i've always been bad with spelling and grammar, so I was hoping you guys would be kind enough to help me edit this letter.

thank you so much !

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To Whom It May Concern:

I am writing this letter to elucidate my appeal for a transfer from American University of Antigua’s KMCIC, Manipal campus to its Antigua campus. I am enrolled in the pre-medical program with Manipal University and currently completing my third semester of pre-medicine. I would like to request a transfer to Antigua for the next pre-medicine four semester.

My first year in Manipal was really difficult and challenged my abilities to overcome illness and emotional struggles. I acknowledge that my grades have suffered as a result of my difficult time last year, but in no way do I mean to make any excuses for my poor academic performance, although I would like to explain the circumstances. I understood that attending school abroad would require a lot of motivation and dedication alongside emotional strength to be so far away from the comfort of your parents and home. I did not intend to face many of the obstacles that I have, mainly becoming ill in the beginning of the year but nevertheless I believe that could have handled it better. My family has a history of asthma and ever since I was a child it has been a reoccurring illness that caused havoc on our day to day lives. Over the years I have not faced any significant issue with my illness as it had got much better but it is still susceptible to the elements of smog, dust, and humidity. I began to have breathing troubles within the first few weeks of arriving in India; my body began reacting to the dust created from the endless amount of construction that spans every corner on the growing town of Manipal, the smog from the hundreds of automobiles, and the humidity of the region. My sickness added on to the transition of not only attending university for the first time but attending it in a whole other country took up a lot much of the time I needed for school. I found it very hard to seek for assistance as the area was unfamiliar and I did not know when and where to get help. I spent the better part of the semester unable to balance between my illness and transition to school. Specifically, one day later on in the year during the peak of the summer heat I began to feel light headed and a shortness of breath, where I lost my sense of orientation and fell on my right ankle tearing a ligament and fracturing my toe. This injury required me to have my entire leg in a cast for over 4 weeks, effectively taking a lot of time away from school. My teachers were very understanding as it I was very difficult for me to get to and from school especially during the monsoon season, where it rain heavily all day. My academic performance suffered as a result; although some tests were exempted I was incapable of catching up the marks that were necessary. In addition to this, more recently my body yet again had succumbed to the smog and humidity of the Manipal environment and I was diagnosed with Acute Pharyngotonsillitis. For over a week I was on a strict regimen of antibiotics to treat the inflammation of my pharynx and tonsil with reoccurring side effects of chronic diarrhea, fevers, upset stomach, and along with a lot of rest – while being required to meet the minimum 80% attendance guideline. This resulted in falling behind in the necessary studying syllabus in order to successfully pass exams.

My reasons for transferring are entirely academic. Manipal’s environment has been extremely detrimental to my health and subsequent academic progress. However it has taught me that there are many obstacles to face in life and at no point of time should they ever stop you from reaching your goal. And in order to reach my goal of becoming a doctor I had taken a loan to stay in private housing, off campus and way from most of the dust of construction. Disregarding that a lot of dust is still prevalent in the air even after the addition of air purifiers to my house, I have taken many precautions for the betterment of my health to further benefit my academic performance. In order to make up for lost time I have been attending classes with private tutors to perfect the courses I did not do well in. I have completed many of the extra assignments that my teachers had given me as extra work to manage the syllabus that I have missed. Even though many of the assignments and preparations I have taken have come after the fact of my low grades, I knew that it was necessary in order to be successful in the higher semesters. As you may have noticed in the attached progress reports of this semester, I have greatly improved. I have gone from just passing the courses before to becoming one of the top ranking students of my class, with marks ranging all the way to the high 90s. I have managed to surpass the average mark for all of the advanced courses because of all the work I have done to make up for anything I have missed in the basic courses last year. Notably, I have had the highest mark consecutively for the last two sessions in Psychology, third and second position for the respective first and second session of Cell Biology, and in the top five positions for Organic Chemistry. If I am granted the transfer to Antigua, my marks and motivation will significantly increase, because I know I cannot afford to remain in the same Manipal environment where I may god forbid be in the same position as I was last year where my illness had taken a toll on my health and education. The environment and cleanliness of Antigua is vital to the substantial improvement of my condition and academics. I have no doubt that I will succeed and become one of the best doctors your institution has to offer.

Pursuing medicine has been my passion since the fourth grade and there is nothing else in the wold I can see myself doing. I have spent thousands of hours being involved in community service and have been awarded the Lieutenant Governor General Award of Canada because I love helping others and I find myself in the perfect position on the way to be able to the same type of work for the rest of my life. I understand the value of this opportunity as well as the time that has passed and do not want to waste it, I would like to transfer so I can be in a better position to pursue my academics to my full potential. Most importantly I will continue to go higher in my academic performance. I can only hope you understand that my old low marks do not indicate that I am a bad student but rather a good student who had a very difficult semester. As my progress reports show, I have done well and I am convinced that I can meet academic requirements set forth by your institution. I am certain that if I am granted a transfer to Antigua I will be persistent in working to the best of my abilities to overcome any obstacle and determined to demonstrate nothing less than academic excellence. If you have any further questions or concerns please feel free to get in contact with me. Thank you for your kind consideration and I deeply appreciate the time you have taken to read this letter.
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Well, I can see at once that it is far too long. Remember that the officials who read this must read hundreds of this kind of letter in a year, and they like them short and sweet. Do not fall in love with your words. Go through and pare it down to the minimum; don't repeat obvious information; don't explain at length each of your problems and passions: your readers have heard it all before. Here's what should be done with your first paragraph:

I am writing this letter to elucidate my appeal for to request a transfer from American University of Antigua’s KMCIC, our Manipal campus to our Antigua campus. I am enrolled in the pre-medical program with Manipal University and currently completing my third semester of pre-medicine, and I would like to request a transfer to Antigua for the next pre-medicine four semester.
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Okay thanks !
Yeah that's what i thought too but my counselor told me to keep it to a minimum 2 pages and go in depth about why my grades in the beginning weren't to great. I think that I will be the only one they'll be receiving a letter from cause all other transfer are normally just directly based on grades.
No! Keep it to a maximum of one page. What I'm saying is that university officials get many such letters from students wanting this and that and some other special treatment, and they tire of reading them very quickly.