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(...)
Out of the blue, all the memories of my period as a soldier in [City Name] haunt my mind again. My brain is bombed with endless flashings of children crying, women running, and men fighting the greatness of the Coalition forces. To this team I belonged. I was a private of the [Country Name] Army; a soldier equipped with a full killing kit, ready to be used to annihilate the (...)
(...)
When I was a teenager, I was always attracted by a life devoted to serve my country. I used to find interesting the fact of achieving a high rank, winning medals and being publicly honoured. Fortunately, all those ambitions have completely faded away.
(...)
On the way to the Middle East, I meet James, a 22-year-old guy who enrolled in the [Country name] Army because his father forced him to do it [or to do so?]. James once told me that, as he was unemployed, his bossy father, George, once said that if he did not enrolled in the army, he will get kicked out of the house. Besides having no other option, Joey wanted his father to be proud of him.
(...)
With Joey, we had long talks about past experiences and future plans when we return home. In fact, I would say he was the only of the few fellow soldiers to which I made a friendly relationship while being in [City Name].
(...)
Every 1 or 2 week, we moved from one place to another, checking civilian's houses, seeking for and taking away all the weapons we might find. We would also respond to any attack insurgents may carry out on us. Every time such thing happened, especially inside urban areas, an infernal chaos would break out. A specific incident that I will never forget took place in a small site, about 10 miles away from [City Name], where we had been set up for about 7 days.
(...)
"He was carrying a knife", he disdainfully exclaimed, as he poked the small corpse with the tip of his boot. In that moment, I realized that I was being led by a beast; a man who was there neither for serving a country, nor being honoured.
(...)

Those are snippets of my narrative essay assignment. I decided to write about a soldier's memories after war, while listening to A matter of life and death (2006) album by Maiden.
Please tell me aboout any error in grammar or wrong word you might find. (specially using past, past continuous, etc)
Also any sentence that might sound unnatural!

thanks a lot!
Comments  
dieggnr(...)
Out of the blue, all the memories of my period as a soldier in [City Name] haunt my mind again. My brain is bombed with endless flashings of children crying, women running, and men fighting the greatness of the Coalition (coalition?)forces. To this team I belonged. I was a private of the [Country Name] Army; a soldier equipped with a full killing kit, ready to be used to annihilate the (...)
(...)
When I was a teenager, I was always attracted by had always been attracated to a life devoted to serve my country. I used to find interesting the fact of achieving a high rank, winning medals and being publicly honoured were interesting. Fortunately, all those ambitions have completely (gradually?) faded away.
(...)
On the way to the Middle East, I meet met James, a 22-year-old guy who enrolled in the [Country name] Army because his father forced him to do it [or to do so?]. James once told me that, as he was unemployed, his bossy father, George, once said that if he did not enrolled in the army, he will would get kicked out of the house. Besides having no other option, Joey wanted his father to be proud of him.
(...)
With Joey, we had long talks about our past experiences and future plans when we return after returning back home later. In fact, I would say he was the only one of the my few fellow soldiers to which whom I had made a friendly relationship an affectionate friendship with while being in [City Name].
(...)
Every 1 or 2 week, Once in a week or two, we moved had to move from one place to another, checking civilian's civilian houses, seeking for and taking away all the their weapons that we might could find . We would also and we also had to respond to any insurgent attacks. insurgents may might carry out on us. For every Every time such things happened, especially inside the urban areas, an infernal chaos would break out. There was a A specific incident that I will never forget. It took place in a small site, about 10 miles away from [City Name], where we had been to set up for about 7 days.
(...)
"He was carrying a knife", he disdainfully exclaimed, as he poked the small corpse with the tip of his boot. In that moment, I realized that I was being led by a beast; a man who was there neither for serving a country, nor being honoured.
(...)
Hello there,

This is totally an interesting essay! I had a great time reading your writing. [Y]

By the way, I have made some minor alterations regarding your essay. But, please note that it's not a conclusive correction. I might have made some mistakes too.

p.s. : Welcome to EnglishForward! [<:o)]

Regards,
[8].RedGuitar.[8]
A million thanks, RedGuitar168 !