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i am looking to send the following email to an academic institution and i just want to check if everything is in order as far as grammar and punctuation goes. heres the email

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Dear Ms. AAA/ Ms. ABC,

This is in regard to our corresponding emails and the telephonic conversation about the bartending course at your academy, commencing July. I will be graduating with my B. H. M. degree on the 8th of June. Could you, therefore, please provide me with the details of the registration/selection process for the course so I can make the necessary arrangements.

Thanks and Regards

XYZ
<Place>
<Contact number>

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Thank your for your time

Any inputs would be much appreciated
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Hi,

Here are a few edits,

Make sure that they charge you a fair price for this course.

Best wishes, Clive

i am looking to send the following email to an academic institution and i just want to check if everything is in order as far as grammar and punctuation goes. heres the email

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Dear Ms. AAA/ Ms. ABC, You don't really need this in an email

This is in regard to our emails and telephone conversations about the bartending course at your academy, commencing in July. I will be graduating with my B. H. M. degree

what kind of degree is this? Is this the correct English abbreviation? Do you need to tell them about your degree and graduation?

dn the 8th of June. Could you, therefore, Please provide me with the details of the registration/selection process for the course so that I can make the necessary arrangements.

Thanks and Regards

XYZ

<Place> <<< do you need to say this ?

<Contact number>
Comments  
hey clive

BHM stands for Bachelor in Hotel Management. Yes, its important that I specify this in the email as i get a preference over the ones that havent done the degree.
wasnt too sure if i needed to put the place in.

and also, would it be necessary to put in the email thread from our previous conversations?

Thanks for your reply

Hemant