Please, help me with the correction of this motivation letter. I am applying for a postgraduate course in the UK.

Thank you!

Dear Mr. ***,

I first would like to thank you for considering my request for the postgraduate programme International Trade at ***. I have a strong motivation to be admitted and I would like to explain you why.

First, I believe in the importance world trade and globalisation have for developing countries. These are not only an attractive incitement for multinational firms to benefit from advantageous factors of production, as it is for example labour force. Moreover, international trade needs also to happen in the interest of entire economies. Especially developing countries need to find and maintain their competitive place in the world trade market.
I believe that Ecuador, my home country, needs people who vehemently work on the countries’ long term interests. It needs to attract more investments and therewith new technology so that it can improve its own industry and enhance exports. It would support imports and be able to compete with them at the same time. Only a sincere and organised administration which follows trade rules and works on an overall interest can successfully achieve this. I am convinced of my contribution to this part.

This conviction defines my goal and my goal determines my way. I recognised the necessity to deepen and specialise my knowledge in the International Economics and Law area. And I am not only searching for more theoretical background but for interaction with experienced academics, professionals that are involved in this field, and ambitious fellow students with similar interests and objectives.
I would like to remark that my current studies, Foreign Trade/International Management, gave me a good understanding of Economics and Business Administration on an international basis. After a short time I realised my strong inclination towards International Economics and Trade. My origin country and the problems it faces have always been a significant reason for this. Now, the topic I am working on during my Diploma thesis is an evidence for my interest. I am writing about “Safeguards in the WTO” and displaying its effects in a specific case in the Ecuadorian industry.

I am a person who consciously does not take the easiest way to go. I now chose further specialised education and it is my ambitious to be admitted at your school. I am sure that *** would provide me with the expertise, personal interaction and intercultural experience necessary for me to achieve my professional as well as personal objectives.

Finally, I have learned that every goal, even excellence is a continuous process and not the final result.

Thank you again for considering my request and I look forward to a positive response.

Yours sincerely,

G.P.
Hi, Your letter is not too bad as it is, I have marked some problems for you in bold. You should also consider that they usually want to know why you want to study that subject at their particular university.

Dear Mr. ***,

I first would like to thank you for considering my request for the postgraduate programme International Trade at ***. I have a strong motivation to be admitted and I would like to explain you why.

First, I believe in the importance world trade and globalisation have for developing countries. These are not only an attractive incitement for multinational firms to benefit from advantageous factors of production, as it is for example labour force. Moreover, international trade needs also to happen in the interest of entire economies. Especially developing countries need to find and maintain their competitive place in the world trade market.
I believe that Ecuador, my home country, needs people who vehemently work on the countries’ long term interests. It needs to attract more iinvestments and therewith new technology so that it can improve its own industry and enhance exports. It would support imports and be able to compete with them at the same time. Only a sincere and organised administration which follows trade rules and works on an overall interest can successfully achieve this. I am convinced of my contribution to this part.

This conviction defines my goal and my goal determines my way. I recognised the necessity to deepen and specialise my knowledge in the International Economics and Law area. And I am not only searching for more theoretical background but for interaction with experienced academics, professionals that are involved in this field, and ambitious fellow students with similar interests and objectives.
I would like to remark that my current studies, Foreign Trade/International Management, gave me a good understanding of Economics and Business Administration on an international basis. After a short time I realised my strong inclination towards International Economics and Trade. My origin country and the problems it faces have always been a significant reason for this. Now, the topic I am working on during my Diploma thesis is an evidence for my interest. I am writing about “Safeguards in the WTO” and displaying its effects in a specific case in the Ecuadorian industry.

I am a person who consciously does not take the easiest way to go. I now chose further specialised education and it is my ambitious to be admitted at your school. I am sure that *** would provide me with the expertise, personal interaction and intercultural experience necessary for me to achieve my professional as well as personal objectives.

Finally, I have learned that every goal, even excellence, is a continuous process and not the final result.

Thank you again for considering my request and I look forward to a positive response.

Yours sincerely,
Hi nona the brit!
Thank you for revising my letter and for your comments.
Now, I added some arguments about choosing that university and I am trying to construct some sentences again.
Thanks again!

Gabs