Hey there,
I need some help. If someone could proofread my letter of motivation I´d really appreciate it!!!!! This is just the very first draft, but I´d like to hear your opinions and ideas on how to improve the letter.
Dear Madam or Sir,

I am a 5th year translation student at XXX University in XXX and I would like to apply for the XXX graduate program at XXX.
I have been studying Chinese, English as my major and Sinology as my minor subject in Germany and in Taiwan and will graduate this fall with a Diploma degree in translation.
Since the day I was born I have been exposed to an international environment, with parts of my family living in XXX, XXX, XXX, the United States and XXX.
My father is of XXX nationality with his family roots coming from XXX. My mother´s sister moved to the United States before I was born and even took U.S. Citizenship. I took my first trips to the US when I was three and six years old and I have been visiting the US regularly ever since.
I guess that those is are the main reasons why I am quite adept at learning new languages, accepting different cultures and I think it is fair to say that this global setting I was raised in set the path for my future.
Languages, sports and music have always been the “three pillars” that gave me inspiration and lead me through high school, my civil service and the years I spent at the university.
But I was not only fascinated by the cultures of XXX and the United States but also by Asian cultures. The first time I encountered Asian culture was when I started taking Judo classes in elementary school, from the age of eight until I was eleven and then again when I started training Ninjutsu at the age of 14 until I was 19. Even though martial arts are just a part of Asian cultures and even though those two martial arts I was trained in actually only related to Japanese culture, I was deeply fascinated by it. Training these Asian martial arts always gave me a certain feeling of peace, self-discipline and getting to know myself better.
I cannot thank my two teachers at the Ninjutsu Dojo in XXX, XXX enough. They taught traditional Ninjutsu and took particular interest in teaching us about the history of Ninjutsu in Japan.
That is when I started to realize that this is what I would want to do in my life, what I would want to combine. My passion for languages and my newly discovered passion for Asian cultures. And it was the perfect timing to do so. I was really thinking about studying Japanese when I decided to make a very rational decision for my future career in choosing Chinese instead. The Chinese economy has been growing at a phenomenal pace and China has once more taken the role as one of the “global players”. I think that my choices of subjects at the university reflect not only the diversity of my interests but also my ability to think critically and act proactively.
Before I went to university though I had to either serve one year in the military or perform civil service. I decided to not go to the military but to do civil service for that year. The reason for that is that I realized I could make much more of a difference in helping others and contributing to my surrounding community. I learned a lot in that year and have never regretted my decision.
At the university I again took part in many activities ranging from language exchange with many students from China, Taiwan and the United States, to giving guitar lessons, playing guitar in a band and joining the Tennis club at the university.
After taking my pre-diploma exams (similar to the bachelor exams) I went abroad for a year to study the Chinese language and American literature at XXX University in Taiwan.
Living in Taipei for a year had a deep impact on my life and shaped my personality in a largely positive way. The experience of living in such a different culture has been fulfilling and enriching in so many different ways. Now I can honestly say that it is even easier for me to adapt to different cultures. Of course if it wasn’t for my parents giving me the opportunity to study in Taiwan, I wouldn’t have been so privileged to have such an educational background and I have no words to describe my gratitude for them. They have always been supporting me.

After graduating from XXX University I would like to continue and complete my studies at XXX by taking the XXX program. My wish is to work closely with or better yet for the XXX and to be involved in international affairs. I therefore do think that a degree from XXX in XXX would be the perfect choice for me. I believe that the degree is of high-quality and will help me to develop many useful skills and cover a variety of subjects that I will need for a future career in international affairs.
I believe that the combination of my past experiences and academic knowledge will qualify me as a XXX student candidate.
Yours faithfully,
It's a bit too perfect!
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Can anyone please help me with a letter being sent to a panel of teachers
Can someone please help me with my letter