Hello,

I have an essay that I completed. But when my teacher saw it, she said that some parts didn't mkae sense. Including the thesis, and the reasoning and especially the conclusion (because she said it wasn't connected to the main essay or my thsesis statement), and also there was some editing needed. Can someone please have a look at it:

In the play, The Glass Menagerie, Tennessee Williams reveals two extraordinary characters, Tom and Laura, in the most unique and curious manner. Although Tom is a character who exists outside and inside the play's action at the same time, his role is most significant when he plays in the story. Laura, however, is a more coincidental character, who is so fragile that she can hardly function in the real world. Laura frequently escapes to a private, imaginary world occupied by fragile glass animals. Tom on the other hand, gives an expression of being a wanderer – someone who seeks adventure and who wants to escape reality because of his family. Overall, Tom and Laura manifest on their differences in respond to Amanda, their mother.

Amanda as the mother plays a major role revealing the characteristics of Tom and Laura. “…And chew-chew!” and Tom replies, “…I haven’t enjoyed one bit of this dinner because of your constant directions on how to eat it.” (Scene 1) This is only one of the situations where Tom illustrates his short-temper and resentment towards Amanda. This constant nagging of Amanda is the chief reason why Tom leaves to go to the movies and escape the painful reality. This is more clearly seen when Tom says to her mother "The more you shout about my selfishness to me the quicker I'll go, and I won't go to the movies!" (scene 7) Tom has made his intention clear and he is now going to leave the family even though one would argue that it is a lame excuse to betray a family forever. Laura, on the other hand, is polite and more acts more maturely (well-behaved) to her mother. This behaviour can be seen in Scene 1 where Laura does most of the work when bringing and taking out the dishes following her mother’s instructions. From this, we can conclude that both the brother and sister have opposite reactions towards their mother even though they are able to interact with each other comfortably.
Secondly, both Tom and Laura’s characteristics in the family are also different, Laura being the innocent one, and Tom, the guilty one. In spite of her fragility, Laura is the most serene member of her family. She leaves the worrying to Amanda and Tom. In her innocence, Laura doesn't realize how Tom and Amanda bleed for her. In contrast, Tom is thought to be selfish by not taking any responsibility for his sister’s marriage. This is clear when in the last scene, Amanda furiously regards Tom as, “… selfish dreamer!” (scene 7)Another example of his selfishness, is shown when Jim is over and Tom says "I paid my dues this month, instead of the light bill" (scene 7). At this point, Tom becomes a more selfish character. There is less sympathy given in his direction. Thus, this is probably when the reader would feel sorry for Amanda who is left with Laura’s innocence and Tom’s selfishness.

Lastly, on a different note, both Laura and Tom share the same characteristics of being dreamers and of living in a make-believe world that leads them to their tragic ending. The cause for Laura’s inability to cope with reality is because of her hypersensitivity. “She is washing and polishing her collection of glass.” (scene 2) She spends all of her time in a world of glass ornaments in the apartment. Even though she tries several times to participate in the outside world (when she is gone into a relationship with Jim from her perspective), she is too fragile. “I went in the art museum and the bird houses at the zoo…” (Scene 2) (says Laura) is another instance where it proves that she is a wanderer - allowing her to remain within herself in her own world (in this case not going to the business college). Similarly, Tom seeks his own world of going to the movies at night and wishing to live the adventures he sees in the movies. Watching someone else's adventures on the movie screen offers Tom another diversion from his own lifeless existence. But, since he has to come out of the dark theater and face life again, escaping to the movies solves no problems. Therefore, he realizes his dream (of going to the navy) of following his father’s footsteps. However, "Oh, Laura, Laura," he says in the play's final speech, "I tried to leave you behind me, but I am more faithful than I intended to be!" (scene 7) These lines can give you the impression that Tom regrets being a wanderer.

In conclusion, as their characteristics are revealed to the readers, both Tom and Laura play a major part in this tragic play. Tom is revealed as more of a sympathetic person to the readers. This is because he is always blamed for things that can’t be blamed towards him, one could argue that it is just fate that is the cause. In addition, you have Laura’s innocence in the play that causes a lot of trouble for Tom. However, for their difference, they do share similarities where they are both dreamers and wanderers. One might think of Tom as a representative of a whole generation of young people coming of age just as the world is exploding into war. Tom's story, then, may be both personal and generally symbolic of life at a bleak time in our history. It can be read either way.

Thanks
Thanks you very much
Although Tom is a character who exists outside and inside the play's action at the same time, his role is most significant when he plays in the story.


outside, inside, at the same time...what's that all about?

As I read through your essay, your teacher is correct. My personal opinion is that you are trying too hard. Rather than writing in a simple, easy to understand fashion, you are trying to write in a fancy manner.

Try creating an outline with your major points. And then just write according to your outline.

Don't get fancy. Keep it simple.

MountainHiker
Outside and inside meaning that he is the narrator and a character in the play....

Can you point me to some errors that i made

Thanks
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Can someone revise this essay again, and just let me know of the errors.

Thanks
Hi,

No, unfortunately we won't revise your essay. That's a lot of work and effort.

If you want to try to rewrite it by first creating an outline and then writing paragraphs for your outline, we will try to help.

MountainHiker
Well,
my teacher said that my main problem was my conclusion, because it didn't make sense to what I was actually talking in the rest of the essay. So if anyone can give me some ideas on how to put on a new conclusion to this essay, then it would be greatful.

Thanks
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Your teacher should notice the parts that you copied from George Ehrenhaft's book about Tennessee Williams. That's the source of your problems. You've plagiarized instead of writing your own ideas.