Hi all

I am a german girl applying for an international company so I have to write my application form in English. I have never done that befor so i am trying to help myself through the internet. Though it is a tough job and my eyes are hurting right now i dont know if it is good or just ok and what i could do better. Please help me! i'd be grateful for any help or any suggestion!!

So hear it goes:

Dear Mrs. ..............

I would like to apply for a position as a Temporary Communications Manager SMS&P Support. Mrs. .... introduced me to this job offer.

Since my first day at the I have been interested in marketing and the way people respond to it. This strong interest led me to start studying at the ..... from which I graduated in Mai 2007 as a communication manager with a final grad good.

I gained experience in presentation in course as well as by presenting the results of our market research analyses and the ...-agency assignment to our clients and the .... principal. As a Student President I was in constant contact to our Manager, Professor’s and students including monthly meetings.

During studies I have always worked part time as an account manager. Duo to my experiences I am sensitised for the desires and needs of my clients as well as for the concerns of the chief executive. I also gained knowled in telemarketing along with planing and organising a sceduled timetable for a fair. Being confronted with often changing situations and various needs helped me to develop an eloquent and flexible personality.

I’d like to be part of ....., because it is the only company that not only uses the word diversity as a keyword but has successfully fulfilled to combine it with its corporate culture.

I am free to start right away. My desired salary is estimated at 30.000 Euros a year.

Thank you for your time spent reading this letter and the enclosed resume. I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely

so that was it:::

PLEASE HELP!!!
1 2
Hi everybody!

i really need help! Please could anybody say if it sounds ok or if i should write it all over again because it sounds like nothing or... what so ever..

PLEASE HELP
Quite a few silly typos. An attention to detail is important in marketing.

Dear Mrs. ..............

I would like to apply for the position as Temporary Communications Manager SMS&P Support. Mrs. .... introduced me to this job offer.

Since my first day at the University of Applied Sciences I have been interested in marketing and the way people respond to it. This strong interest led me to start studying at the ..... from which I graduated in May 2007 as a (communication manager - you don't graduate with a job title, you graduate with a qualification. Name it.) (with a final grad good. - I don't understand this)

I gained experience in presentations during the course as well as by presenting the results of our market research analyses and the ...-agency assignment to our clients and the .... principal. As a Student President I was in constant contact with our Manager, Professors and students including monthly meetings.

During my studies I have always worked part-time as an account manager. Due to my experience I am sensitised to the desires and needs of my clients as well as for the concerns of the chief executive. I also gained knowledge in telemarketing along with planning and organising a scheduled timetable for a fair. Being confronted with often changing situations and various needs helped me to develop an (eloquent - odd word choice) and flexible personality.

I’d like to be part of ....., because it is the only company that not only uses the word diversity as a keyword but has successfully fulfilled to combined it with its corporate culture. I'd re-write this sentence, it sounds odd. Are they really the only company in the world that values diversity?

I am free to start right away. My desired salary is around 30.000 Euros a year.

Thank you for your time spent reading this letter and the enclosed resume. I look forward to hearing from you.
Site Hint: Check out our list of pronunciation videos.
Hi Thank you very much for helping me!! It helped alot to make my knees stop shaking ;-)

One last question: does it sound ok? Is there enough information in it and does it sound like an interessting person? Do you have any other ideas what else i could write?

Thanks alot again for your time correcting!

Greetings
Hi,

in my opinion your letter contains way too much information than necessary and the structure isn't coherent enough. Try to think like the Brits and rewrite itEmotion: smile Curently it sounds like a letter written in German and than just translate. My first application in English wasn't the best, too. Unfortunately there aren't many good samples to find for free.

Best wishes,

Kathrin
Hi Kathrin,

Youre right. The structure follows more or less a german application. I tried to do it like the brit and make it shorter (with examples on the internet) but i dont know what information i can leave out to still make it sound interessting and coherent. Could you come up with any successtions?

take care
Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.
here is a very good tutorial

http://www.quintcareers.com/cover_letter_tutorial.html

and with succestions you mean suggestions?
:-) .. so sorry, yeh.. suggestions!

Thanks that site is real good as far as i can say now..
KäferHi all

I am a german girl applying for an international company so I have to write my application form in English. I have never done that befor so i am trying to help myself through the internet. Though it is a tough job and my eyes are hurting right now i dont know if it is good or just ok and what i could do better. Please help me! i'd be grateful for any help or any suggestion!!

So hear it goes:

Dear Mrs. ..............

I would like to apply for a position as a Temporary Communications Manager SMS&P Support. Mrs. .... introduced me to this job offer.

1) I would like to apply for the post of yyyyy in your firm as advertised on xxxx. As a recent graduate, I was particularly happy to read that the position is open for newly qualified with focus on marceting.


Since my first day at the I have been interested in marketing and the way people respond to it. This strong interest led me to start studying at the ..... from which I graduated in Mai 2007 as a communication manager with a final grad good.

I gained experience in presentation in course as well as by presenting the results of our market research analyses and the ...-agency assignment to our clients and the .... principal. As a Student President I was in constant contact to our Manager, Professor’s and students including monthly meetings.

During studies I have always worked part time as an account manager. Duo to my experiences I am sensitised for the desires and needs of my clients as well as for the concerns of the chief executive. I also gained knowled in telemarketing along with planing and organising a sceduled timetable for a fair. Being confronted with often changing situations and various needs helped me to develop an eloquent and flexible personality.

I’d like to be part of ....., because it is the only company that not only uses the word diversity as a keyword but has successfully fulfilled to combine it with its corporate culture.

I am free to start right away. My desired salary is estimated at 30.000 Euros a year.

Thank you for your time spent reading this letter and the enclosed resume. I look forward to hearing from you. I would drop the ending if I were in your shoes. My proposal. I would welcome the unique opportunity to work as part of your successful team, to benefit from your extensive experience, and to put my training, experience, entusiasm and creativity into practice for VCV Ltd. I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely

so that was it:::

PLEASE HELP!!!

OK, I made some suggestions. The middle thing is the problem now. What was the middle thing?
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