Hi, everybody. I am a English learner from China and first came here. Would anybody give me a hand?

Here, my school will hold a English poem contest and I just wrote one. I think, my poem has many errors in grammar and some sentences are catachrestic even though I have revised it many times. Now, I am wondering if u can check my poem and help me proofread or embellish it?

I really appreciate ur help and hope not to bother u too much.
Thank u!

PS: I wanna make penfriend with someone if u are interesting in China.

=
the following is my poem:

Top Flight

Not fail to follow the stars of eternal faith,
And the twilight glow of hope, success and freedom.
Revved my engine, rode into the horizon, and began to touch and go.
O, slip the surly bonds of infirmities, difficulties and frustrations,
Climb sunward, and head into starry light.

Innumerable ordeals of the most grievous kind lie before;
Incessant turbulence ever ahead threatening to overwhelm,
My Quest was beset with the desperate plight of all monstrous storms
Never surpassed in the dark of tracks,
And lamentable catalogue in the bivouac of life.

Kindle one candle, rather than to curse the darkness.
The darker the night, the brighter the star.
Let fear, doubt and disbelief all free my mind, in peace gonna take you.
O, the higher I fly, the closer dream come.

Let my unflinching soul stand in the open door of crucible,
With an intrepid heart for any bogey.
Not shrink from the gravity of suffering and loss,
The blackness of sorrow and despair.
Refused to leave my mighty wings to be enslaved by
The winds of chance and the hurricanes of disaster.

Let me spread the constant vision under gutsiest footprints.
Not fearing to approach these problems indefatigably,
With the unbending, undaunted courage to solve them aright.
Endured the burden of a strenuous struggle from bitter toil
And supreme endeavor, year in and year out,
To win the splendid ultimate triumph,
With rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation.

O, the trumpet summons again;
Polaris beckons me ever onward in this century of trial;
My eyes gaze upon the dimness of the first rays of dawn.

Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue
Shoving into overdrive, hovering there, to chase the shouting wind aloft,
And fling my eager craft through footless halls of air.

The marvelous song echoes out forever and fills the unknowing frontier,
And I top the windswept heights with easy grace and steady buoyancy!
1 2
Hello Anon

I've corrected the grammar. In some places I'm not sure of your meaning, so have had to guess – my apologies if I've misinterpreted anything!

_____________________________________________

Top Flight

Let me not fail to follow the stars of eternal faith,
And the twilight glow of hope, success and freedom.
I revved my engine, rode into the horizon, and began to touch and go.
O, slip the surly bonds of infirmities, difficulties and frustrations,
Climb sunward, and head into starry light.

Innumerable ordeals of the most grievous kind lay ahead,
Incessant turbulence ever threatening to overwhelm;
My Quest was beset by the desperate plight of all monstrous storms
Never surpassed in the darkness of my path,
And lamentable catalogue in the bivouac of life.

Kindle one candle, rather than curse the darkness.
The darker the night, the brighter the star.
Let fear, doubt and disbelief all free my mind; in peace I will take you.
O, the higher I fly, the closer the dream comes.

Let my unflinching soul stand in the open door of the crucible,
With an intrepid heart for any demon,
Nor shrink from the gravity of suffering and loss,
The blackness of sorrow and despair.
I refuse to leave my mighty wings to be enslaved by
The winds of chance and the hurricane of disaster.

Let me spread the constant vision under courageous footprints,
Not fearing to approach these problems indefatigably,
With the unbending, undaunted courage to solve them aright,
Enduring the burden of a strenuous struggle from bitter toil
And supreme endeavor, year in, year out,
To win the splendid ultimate triumph,
With rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation.

O, the trumpet summons again;
Polaris beckons me ever onward in this century of trial;
My eyes gaze upon the dimness of the first rays of dawn.

Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue
Ramping into overdrive, hovering there, to chase the shouting wind aloft,
And fling my eager craft through footless halls of air.

The marvelous song echoes out forever and fills the unknowing frontier,
And I top the windswept heights with easy grace and steady buoyancy!

_________________________________________________

Good luck!

MrP
Pedantic, I really appreciate ur help. I will read ur suggestions later.

Wish you have a good day !
Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.
My pleasure! Post again if anything isn't clear.

MrP
I have revised the poem again, any mistake now?

some suggestions have not been adopted coz I think they are open to consultation.

I hope I can wrap it up in this weekend.

Pedantic, thanks again!
Top Flight (revised version)

Not fail to follow the stars of eternal faith,
The twilight glow of hope, success and freedom.
Revved up my engine, rode into the horizon, and began to touch and go.
O, slip the surly bonds of infirmities, difficulties and frustrations,
Climb sunward, and head into starry light.

Innumerable ordeals of the most grievous kind lay before,
Incessant turbulence ever threatening to overwhelm;
My Quest was beset with the desperate plight of all monstrous storms
Never surpassed in the dark of tracks,
And lamentable catalogue in the bivouac of life.

Kindle one candle, rather than curse the darkness.
The darker the night, the brighter the star.
Let fear, doubt and disbelief all free my mind, in peace go my love.
The higher I fly, the closer the dream comes.

Let my unflinching soul stand in the open door of crucible,
With an intrepid heart for any terror.
Not shrink from the gravity of suffering and loss,
The blackness of sorrow and despair.
Refused to leave my mighty wings to be enslaved by
The winds of chance and the hurricanes of disaster.

Let me spread the constant vision under pluckiest footprints.
Not fearing to approach these problems indefatigably,
With the unbending, undaunted courage to solve them aright.
Enduring the burden of a strenuous struggle from bitter toil
And supreme endeavor, year in and year out,
To win the splendid ultimate triumph,
With rejoicing in hope; patience in tribulation.

The trumpet summons again;
Polaris beckons me ever onward in this century of trial;
My eyes gaze upon the dimness of the first rays of dawn.

Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue
Shoving into overdrive, hovering there, to chase the shouting wind aloft,
And fling my eager craft through footless halls of air.

The marvelous song echoes out forever and fills the unknowing frontier,
And I top the windswept heights with easy grace and steady buoyancy!
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Hello Anon

Just a couple of suggestions:

__________________________

began to touch and go] I like this phrase; but I'm not sure what it means, in context!

lay before, > lay before me

the dark of tracks,] This sounds slightly strange.

in peace go my love.> in peace go, my love.

Let my unflinching soul stand in the open door of crucible,] of the crucible

Refused to leave my mighty wings to be enslaved by ] maybe 'refusing'?

pluckiest footprints.] slightly odd; I'm not sure plucky is the right word here.

Shoving into overdrive, ] Shoving is slightly casual.

___________________________

See you,

MrP
I admited you are right, and I will revise it according to your suggestions.

Pedantic, thanks again! and hope you have a sweet weekend!

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Thank you.
You're welcome, Anon, and thank you! Good weekend to you too.

See you,

MrP
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