Here is a new poem I have written. I would like to improve it in any way possible. Any advice/ CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is appreciated.

We spun the sea like a top

Watching its pattern

Coalesce.

And like a box of mix-matched crayons,

It created

a blighted

rainbow - a trove

of mystical unknowns.

We sat.

We stared.

We admired.

Soon sadly deprived

of our omniscience.

Truth crashed in;

Killed those unorthodox dreams

As the sea slowed down to a stop.

And awareness found its way home.
Geez, guys, if you have the time to view my poem, could you at least comment?!!
Hi Danielle,

I'm sorry but I've just seen it Emotion: big smile

That's a great work... Did you write it on your own?
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yes, I have, but I was wondering if anyone could help me to enhance it or make any suggestions?
its a nicely constructed poem though images are diffecult for a casual reader but for an imaginative person its an excelent piece of creativity Emotion: wink

Am I the only one who thinks of Jormugandr when reading this poem?

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