Hi! Could you give your comments on the following newspaper article please? I'd greatly appreciate it. Thank you very much!

The language of Levi's

The jeans manufacturer is launching its own production line of mobile phones.

The Levi Strauss Europe company has decided to expand its range of products by starting producing mobile phones with its own brand name. Now it is clear what mobile phones from Levi's will be like. Following the traditions of the brand name, the phone collection will be oriented towards the youth. Despite a wide range of interests, the company has never had its own production line of cell phones. U Nguen, vice president of "Levi's brand" in Europe, says that the new line will reflect the company's main goals in the field of innovations, design, quality, and mastership. "Modelabs group" will be responsible for design, production, and distribution of the new mobile phones and accessories. The companies have already signed the necessary arrangement. The top manager for "Modelabs group" Stephen Bobot is positive that "Levi's" is one of those international trade marks which always try to surprise their customers by creating something new. "Thanks to our hard work on the design of the phones and accessories, our company will be able to meet the needs of today's customer. Our mobile phone for Levi's will meet all internal and external features of this brand" - Mr. Bobot affirms. Besides, the partnership with the popular jeans brand confirms the changes taking place on the telecommunications market. Increasingly, fashion industry companies come up with the idea of establishing their own lines for manufacturing mobile phones.
Hi,

Here's a quick, overall comment.

If you look at news stories and articles in English, you will find that they never consist of just one long paragraph. They usually involve several very short paragraphs, with the most important information in the early paragraphs.

I suggest that you revise your draft, and post it again.Emotion: smile

Best wishes, Clive
Hi,

For more about inverted pyramind story format, see http://mtsu32.mtsu.edu:11178/171/pyramid.htm
Site Hint: Check out our list of pronunciation videos.
CliveHi,

Here's a quick, overall comment.

If you look at news stories and articles in English, you will find that they never consist of just one long paragraph. They usually involve several very short paragraphs, with the most important information in the early paragraphs.

I suggest that you revise your draft, and post it again.Emotion: smile

Best wishes, Clive

This really is a nice hint. Though am a new member here and this is also my first post ever in this forum. Hoping I too, whenever I made a post, it'll be reviewed like this very one.