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Hi

I am TRYING to write a short story of a man who is devastated by the sudden death of his wife. Could you please tell me if the following lines are natural, especially the yellow parts? Any suggestions are welcome.

Nothing can be more unexpected/ unpredictable than life. It can change in an instant. It can change everything in an instant.

The greatest loss that ever occured to me was the very sudden death of my dear wife. Gloria and I had been happily married for five years and were camping off the coast of Maseera during the summer break when one night she complained of a mild pain in the chest, and the next morning she was gone forever, leaving me totally devastated/ shattering me completely. Life without her was impossible/ To live without her even from one day to anther was impossible. She occupied my waking thought, controlled/influenced my dreams. She left the world forever, but her memories made a permanent abode on my mind and my health worsened drastically. Perhaps it would have been different had we had children—an issue/matter fate had kept in her hand all those five long years.

Thanks a lot for your time and effort.

Tom
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Nothing can be more unpredictable than life. It can change everything in an instant.

The greatest loss I ever suffered was the sudden death of my wife. Gloria and I were happily married for five years. We were camping on the Maseera coast during the summer break when one night she complained of mild chest pain, and the next morning she was gone forever, leaving me devastated.

Life without her was impossible. She occupied all my waking thoughts, she overwhelmed my dreams. She left the world forever, but she made her permanent abode in my memory, and my health deteriorated. Perhaps it would have been different had we had children-- a decision fate had kept in her hand all those years.

(I personally much prefer 'if we had had children'.)
Comments  
Hi, here's my opinion:

- "Unpredictable" is better than "unexpected".
- "very" is OK. So is "forever"
- I prefer "leaving me totally devastated".
- I prefer "to live without her even from one day to another (you missed an "o" here) was impossible.
- I would say "my waking hours", I'm not sure about "my waking thoughts" (in any case, in the plural).

- I don't like either "controlled" or "influenced". Why not try "invaded" or "plagued" or even better, "haunted"?
- I prefer "issue".

Good luck with your story!
 Mister Micawber's reply was promoted to an answer.