Nowadays, the technology development influenced almost our life. Especially, it affects teenager. They approached much modern equipment such as computers, smartphone, ... This equipment helps students to study very good but almost children usually use it to play games.
In my opinion, playing games have lots of advantages. They help student to improve memory. According to research of scientist that the children play games about 1 to 2 hours a day smarter than other children. Second, playing games also increase creativity and do teamwork. Through playing games such as battle games demand children who must do teamwork together. Moreover, playing games expand thought help them to study better than. Therefore, many programs about learning to combine many types of different games. Third, playing games increase reflex. For example, if player would like to win a game, player have to know observed, prediction in order to find solutions most quickly.
Besides, playing games also affect bad health of children. They can be decrease eyesight and cause sleeplessness. Especially, these children become addicted games. Consequence is they will drop out of school. The society has many evils. For instance, they can steal money when they don't have money to play games. Furthermore, they will join in bad group. Therefore, their parents care about their emotion. Teenager should join in good clubs such as piano club, sport club, ... I think we can play game but do not play over 180 seconds.
In conclusion, playing games not only have many advantages but also have some disadvantages. It depends on aware of people about so that we can educate children to use them right purpose.
Nowadays, the technology development influenced (The timeframe is present. Use present tense. Do not use past tense. ) almost (Incorrect word. ) our life.
That is not a good sentence. It is not about technology development. It is about access to computers.
Especially, it affects teenager. More than one teenager. Use plural.)
They approached (wrong word. Wrong tense.) much (wrong word) modern electronic devices equipment (wrong word. Equipment is very large mechanical such as computers, smartphone, ... (Do not use "..." in formal writing. Incorrect.) This equipment helps students to study very good (wrong word) but almost (wrong usage. There are smart children, tall children and young children. There are no "almost" children.) children usually use it (wrong pronoun) to play games.
In my opinion, playing games have lots of advantages. (Wrong answer. The question is not the advantages. Read the instructions. What are the negative impacts of playing computer games? Negative is bad. Advantages are good. You wrote about good things. The task is to write bad things. Answer the task question.) They help student to improve memory. According to research of scientist that the children play games about 1 to 2 hours a day smarter than other children. Second, playing games also increase creativity and do teamwork. Through playing games such as battle games demand children who must do teamwork together. Moreover, playing games expand thought help them to study better than. Therefore, many programs about learning to combine many types of different games. Third, playing games increase reflex. For example, if player would like to win a game, player have to know observed, prediction in order to find solutions most quickly.
In conclusion, playing games not only have many advantages but also have some disadvantages. (You wrote the wrong answer. This is not advantages/disadvantages essay. Read the instructions Follow the instructions. ) It depends on aware (wrong word) of people about so that we can educate children to use them right purpose.
This essay is a two-part answer. You have to answer the two questions.
1. What are the bad consequences of playing computer games?
Put your answer to this question in the first body paragraph.
2. What can be done to minimize these bad consequences.
Put the answer to this question in the second body paragraph.
You do not have the skills yet to write essays. You need to study grammar and vocabulary much more.
You need to practice writing English sentences.
But you can do it!
Please post essays, paragraphs, dialogues and other writing in the essay forum so a moderator does not have to move your post.
https://www.englishforums.com/English/EssayReportCompositionWriting/Forum9.htm
Please do not put the essay instructions in the "Subject" line.
Put it with your answer in the message body.
Subject: Please review my IELTS essay
Message body:
Topic: Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects?
My essay:
(Your text here...)
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