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Some people say that these days famous people are more well-known for their appeal and opulence than for their successes, and this shows a bad image for young people. Personally, I disagree with this point of view.

On the one hand, there are numerous celebrities out there achieve their fame by hard-working, devotion and talented in their job which makes them the real role model for young people to be inspired. Actors, musicians, sports stars who catch media attention have shown us the authentic attempt with great effort, determination, and ambition, which are the rudimental elements for one's accomplishments. Take Yuzuru Hanyu- a Japanese figure skater, for instance, he gained popularity after achieving his gold medal at the Olympic Peyoungchang in 2018. We all learned a lesson from his enthusiasm towards skating, that real attempts and practice will one day give the best result. This kind of self-made celebrity has really fired the youngster's passion in their work and remind them to keep trying to gain the best result.

On the other hand, many people become famous without really working to achieve it. They may have inherited property from their rich parents, make a ludicrous trend, or sometimes appeared in gossips magazines or TV shows. A good example would be Paris Hilton, who is rich and famous for the wrong reasons by attending parties and nightclubs. Her message to young people is that success can be achieved easily, and that schoolwork is not necessary.

All in all, for these aforementioned reasons, I believe that while there are still many notorious celebrities, many truly famous people still set a good example for young ones to follow.

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Topic:

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

Copy the instructions accurately and completely.

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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Some people say that these days famous people are more well-known for their appeal and opulence than for their successes, and this shows a bad image for young people. Personally, I disagree with this point of view.

(You did not answer the essay prompt very well. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? You have to answer with an adverb of extent. )

On the one hand, there are numerous celebrities out there achieve their fame (ungrammatical. The verb "achieve" has no subject.) by hard-working, devotion and talented (wrong form) in their job which makes them the real an ideal role model to inspire for young people to be inspired. Actors, musicians, sports stars (ungrammatical. Missing conjunction.) who catch media the attention of the media have shown us their authentic attempts with great effort, determination, and ambition, to achieve their goals. which are the rudimental elements for one's accomplishments. Take Yuzuru Hanyu, - a Japanese figure skater, for instance. He , he gained popularity after achieving winning a his gold medal at the Olympic Peyoungchang Games in 2018. We all learned a lesson from his enthusiasm towards skating, that real efforts attempts and practice will one day give the best result. This kind of self-made celebrity has really fired the youngster's young people's passion in their work and reminds them to keep trying to gain the best result.

On the other hand, many people become famous without really working to achieve it. They may have inherited property from their rich parents, been lucky for starting a make a ludicrous trend, or sometimes appeared in gossips gossip magazines or TV shows. A good example would be Paris Hilton, who is rich and famous for the wrong reasons by attending parties and nightclubs. Her message to young people is that success can be achieved easily, and that schoolwork is not necessary. (I do not see how this paragraph supports your opinion that glamourous and wealthy celebrities are not good role models for young people. If you do not support your opinion, you will lose points for task completion.)

All in all, for these aforementioned (Do not use this word. Remove it from your vocabulary list.) reasons, I believe that while there are still many notorious celebrities, many truly famous people still set a good example for young ones to follow.

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Thank you AlpheccaStars for helping me with my essays! I really appreciate it if you can mark a point for me too. I'm going to take the IELTS exam next month and my writing is absolutely bad :< I hope I can get better soon.

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