There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
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Energizer Bunny arrested and charged with battery.
Nope, there are 10 types of people: those who understand binary and those who don't

Emotion: wink
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That was a good one hallvors. How about this one:

A loser is someone who calls the number that's scrawled in lipstick on the phone booth wall, only to have his girlfriend answer.
To a pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To an optimist, the glass is half full.
To an engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
That was good Chameleon, I've never heard that one before.Emotion: smile
How about these changes to some famous proverbs and sayings:

- He who laughs last thinks slowest.

- Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

- It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

- Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

- Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
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If the mountain will not come to Mahomet, Mahomet must go for beer.

If you chase two rabbits, you won't count your chickens.
Here's my contribution

100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

A day without sunshine is like, night.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Always try to be modest and be proud of it!

Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.

Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

Assassins do it from behind.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Emotion: smile
Just when you thought it was safe, here are some more...

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
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