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It is true that nowadays, economically and technically advanced nations, often face a serious problem, which is population explosion. Several problems have resulted from this tendency and should be tackled by some effective solutions from the government and individuals.

According to the researcher, urban overpopulation has caused serious problems for audiences, namely the people living and the countries in this situation as well as the earth life. It is the fact that in wealthy countries, the rate of people who live in poverty are becoming increasingly People have more chances of their jobs, it also means that there are more and more factories arising as well. Therefore, pollution from smoke, wastewater, rubbish, … is unavoidable, affecting health’s people such as bronchitis or pneumonia. Another problem is that in overcrowded countries, overpopulation will trigger social unrest such as looting, terrorism, the serious shortage of food and water; and unemployment. Especially, the Earth will be threatened if this situation continues. For example, the Earth will appear global warming, melting polar ice caps, changing climate patterns, rising sea level, and environmental pollution.

In terms of solutions, I believe the government should be largely responsible. Firstly, the state must provide essential housing and healthcare for all its citizens. Secondly, they must educate people about limiting the size of the family. For instance, in China they have a policy called the “ one-child policy” which limits the size of the family to one or two children, this is beginning to affect the world’s most crowded nation. Naturally, individuals should also try to address this problem. The most important is that citizens have to raise awareness regarding family planning and know about serious after-effects of overpopulation, which can help curb population growth.

To sum up, people and the Earth will have to face the inevitable consequences when the population grows at a rapid pace. And there are also appropriate steps that need to take to these problems, not only by the government but also by individuals.

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Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic:

OVERPOPULATION OF URBAN AREAS HAS LED TO NUMEROUS PROBLEMS. IDENTIFY ONE OR TWO SERIOUS ONES AND SUGGEST WAYS THAT GOVERNMENT AND INDIVIDUALS CAN TACKLE THESE PROBLEM?

Copy the instructions accurately and completely. Do not use all-caps, as it is rude.

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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You will not get a good score for this essay because you did not write about the topic accurately. You must read the topic carefully to understand the task before you start to write your essay.

Also, you have copied some of your text from the Internet, so I do not trust that you really wrote the essay by yourself. If an examiner detects that you have memorized or copied parts of your answer, they will give you a zero band score. When you post here, do not plagiarize. It annoys the teachers and does not help you to improve your writing.



It is true that (That clause is not helpful. It puts distrust in your readers' minds. Would you write a false statement? Avoid these useless clauses that have no information at all.) nowadays, economically and technically advanced nations, often face a serious problem, which is population explosion. (Off topic and factually incorrect. The topic is not about general population increases. Population is not growing in technologically advanced countries, especially Japan and Italy. African countries, which are not advanced, have the largest population growth rates. You need to address the topic accurately. ) Several problems have resulted from this tendency and should be tackled by some effective solutions from the government and individuals.

According to the researcher, (That is one person. You have not mentioned their name. Who is it?) urban overpopulation has caused serious problems for audiences, (wrong word). namely the people living and the countries in this situation as well as the earth life. (What do you mean? Grass, tigers and bacteria are "earth life") It is the fact that in wealthy countries, the rate of people who live in poverty (off-topic. It is not about poor people.) are becoming increasingly (Your sentence is not complete.) People have more chances of their jobs, (That is unnatural English. The comma is ungrammatical - comma splice error - and off-topic.) it also means that there are more and more factories arising as well. Therefore, pollution from smoke, wastewater, rubbish, … (Do not use ellipses, "etc." or phrases like "and so on" in formal writing.) is unavoidable, affecting health’s (Wrong form. Health does not own people.) people such as bronchitis or pneumonia. Another problem is that in overcrowded countries, overpopulation will trigger social unrest such as looting, terrorism, the serious shortage of food and water; (wrong punctuation. ALso, much of this text is copied from a facebook page created last year. ) and unemployment. Especially, the Earth will be threatened if this situation continues. (Off topic) For example, the Earth will appear global warming, melting polar ice caps, changing climate patterns, rising sea level, and environmental pollution.

(That is all off-topic. It is not about general growth of the number of people. It is the increased concentration of people in urban areas.)

In terms of solutions, I believe the government should be largely responsible. Firstly, First, the state it must provide essential housing and healthcare for all its citizens. Secondly, Second, they must educate people about limiting the size of the family. (Neither of these solutions address the problem of the size of cities.) For instance, in China they have a policy called the “ one-child policy” which limits the size of the family to one or two children, (comma splice error) this is beginning to affect the world’s most crowded nation. (This sentence was copied - incorrectly - from the Internet.) Naturally, individuals should also try to address this problem. The most important is that citizens have to raise awareness regarding family planning and know about serious after-effects of overpopulation, which can help curb population growth. (off-topic)

To sum up, people and the Earth will have to face the inevitable consequences when the population grows at a rapid pace. And there are also appropriate steps that need to take to these problems, not only by the government but also by individuals.