Hi everyone, I have just completed a paragraph about using cellphones while driving. I really need your evaluates and suggestions so that I could improve further to meet my dream IELTS Writing target band.
Thank you very much, and here is my paragraph:

Using a cellphone while driving can be dangerous. To safety control a car, you need to pay significant attention in order to anticipate any possible situations along the way, and always be ready whenever it comes. Meanwhile, a cellphone also requires a similar amount of attention from the users to successfully process through the information given by the phone. Thus, using a cellphone while driving may lead to an insufficient focus towards the situation reacting and processing, which can cause disastrous accidents. According to a figure collected recently in annual transportation reports, 30 percent of car accidents are due to the inattention of drivers when using cellphone amidst the drives. These accidents not only have a devastate effect on the drivers who cause them, but also on the other drivers and strollers who unluckily got involved. In conclusion, people need to seriously focus when driving, and must not let distracting factors, like cellphones, affect them.

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