Could someone please edit this passage meant for year 2 students for me. Any suggestions to improve the passage are welcome. Thanks in advance.

It is Jenny’s first day at school She is happy and excited. She is wearing her new uniform and shoes to school.

In the classroom, she sees many new friends. Some of the pupils look sad because they miss their parents. Some are happy because they do not miss home. Instead, they like to be at school as they want to learn new things. Some, like Jenny, are happy because they can make new friends.

All the teachers are friendly. They introduce themselves to the pupils and advise them to study hard. Their form teacher, Miss Tan, tells the pupils to treat the school as their second home.

When the bell rings for recess, Jenny runs to the canteen. Her mother is waiting for her there. She eats the food and drinks the water her mother has (54) brought for her. Soon the bell rings again. Recess is over. She bids her mother goodbye.

Back in class, she listens attentively to her teachers. She enjoys learning new things. She does her work neatly.

When it is time to go home, Jenny runs to meet her mother, who is waiting outside the school gate. Then they walk home together as their house is near the school.
Just out of curiosity, do you want this to be a narrative more or less from Jenny's perspective? If so, how will she know why the other pupils are sad/happy?
Hi Julielai

Could you suggest changes to make it narrative so that the passage becomes more interesting? Thanks in advance for your help.

With warmest wishes
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I assume your students are pretty young and have gone through similar experiences. So you probably want your students to identify with Jenny. Her first day in school can be very exciting but she may also feel lonely and sad. She may run into problems as well. Does she adjust well in school? Do her classmates treat her nicely? How will she make friends?

I think the story will be more interesting if there is an obstacle Jenny has to overcome, whether it be making new friends or becoming more adjusted to her environment.

It is Jenny’s first day at school She is happy and excited. (Show us. Does she get up earlier than everyone else to get ready or something?) She is wearing her new uniform and shoes to school. (Has Jenny's mom prepared her for the first day of school? What does her mom tell her? How does Jenny reply? Give us a dialogue.)

(Okay, she puts on her brand new clothes. Everything is brand new to her. Is there anything that looks and feels strange to her? Does she not understand anything, like where her class is?) In the classroom, she sees many new friends (new friends? Does she make new friends upon arrival?). Some of the pupils look sad because they miss their parents (the problem of perspective). Some are happy because they do not miss home. (Here you may say something like: Jenny wonders if any of her classmates feels xyz/misses home/etc. as well) Instead, they like to be at school as they want to learn new things. Some, like Jenny, are happy because they can make new friends. (I'd get rid of the reasons and let Jenny guess as she tries to get to know them.)

All the teachers are friendly. They introduce themselves to the pupils and advise them to study hard. Their form teacher, Miss Tan, tells the pupils to treat the school as their second home. (The readers would like to hear Miss Tan's voice here. And how does Jenny feel after Miss Tan talks to them?)

When the bell rings for recess, Jenny runs to the canteen. Her mother is waiting for her there. She eats the food and drinks the water her mother has (54) brought for her. (Does mommy ask her any questions? Do they chat?) Soon the bell rings again. Recess is over. She bids her mother goodbye.

Back in class, she listens attentively to her teachers. She enjoys learning new things. She does her work neatly. (Elaborate.)

When it is time to go home, Jenny runs to meet her mother, who is waiting outside the school gate. Then they walk home together as their house is near the school. (I suggest adding another dialogue here.)
Hi Julielai

Thanks for your constructive comments. I agree with you that it would make the passage more interesting if dialogues were added.

All the best