Please Assess My Essay

Vegetarianism has gained significant attention in recent years (That seems like a memorized response.) become more popular due to its perceived health and environmental benefits. Many individuals hold the idea of (That is not good. The embedded clause is not a statement or idea. "whether" starts a question.) ask whether adopting a vegetarian diet is necessary for maintaining a healthy lifestyle. From my perspective, this approach is completely unsustainable (That does not make any sense. "sustainable" is the wrong word. You have to answer the prompt very clearly.) as dietary choices should be based on a variety of factors, including personal reasons and nutritional values, so I completely disagree that people should abstain from eating meat.

Dietary choices should be based on personal reasons and nutritional considerations. Regarding personal reasons, not everyone enjoys or thrives on a vegetarian diet. Some individuals have cultural, sensory, (wrong word.) or personal preferences for including meat in their meals. Evidence of this is the Thanksgiving holiday when millions of turkeys are consumed as part of the Americans’ cultural tradition. Therefore, Forcing such people to become vegetarian is highly disrespectful. inadequate. (wrong word.) Another reason for objecting to vegetarianism is the possibility of obtaining a well-planned (wrong word. You can plan for any kind of diet. Some people don't plan what they eat in advance. They just go to the cupboard or fridge and pick something that they feel like eating at that moment. They can be vegan, vegetarian, or omnivorous.) diet. Meat is a valuable source of complete proteins, iron, minerals and vitamins which are essential for overall health. Many athletes and bodybuilders are required to consume a large amount of meat to build muscle mass. maintain good shape. (wrong phrase.) Without it, they would probably suffer from a lack of protein which consequently affects their ability to compete and win. building process. (wrong phrase.)

Some individuals advocating becoming a vegetarian might argue that it is unnecessary to consume meat to have a balanced diet. They believe state that the same nutrients can be found in plant-based sources. However, such an approach is rather impractical short-sighted and unsustainable as careful meal planning and supplementation are necessary. to endure (wrong word.) adequacy. (You need to finish the rebuttal.) In today's hectic world, few people have the time for careful research, planning and shopping as they are busy earning a living, getting enough exercise and having leisure time with family and friends. Professional athletes and bodybuilders with specific health conditions might have the time but they also require higher protein intake, which can be more easily achieved through animal sources. While plant-based protein sources like legumes and tofu provide protein, they may be insufficient in minerals and other essential nutrients. Human beings evolved as omnivores, as well as not always containing all the essentials to utilize for growth and maintenance. Therefore, meat consumption is necessary for meeting nutrient requirements.

In conclusion, while a vegetarian diet can be healthy, everyone doesn't need (Do not use contractions in formal writing.) to become vegetarian to achieve a balanced and nutritious diet. Personal preferences and nutritional considerations should be considered when making dietary choices.

Thanks!

Uh, is there any difference between "do you agree or disagree" and "to what extent do you agree"?

Is it advisable to use the personal pronoun "I" in my thesis statement? Because referring to myself seems subjective and less formal.

Viete

Is it advisable to use the personal pronoun "I" in my thesis statement? Because referring to myself seems subjective and less formal.

I repeat my advice: Read the instructions. Here is the prompt:

To what extent do you agree?

If the instructions have the question "what is YOUR opinion"? or "Do YOU agree?" The the only sensible response is using the corresponding pronoun, "I"

The other answers I have seen go something like this:

This essay agrees to the fullest extent possible. 

Of course an essay has no persona and no independent existence. How can such an ephemeral thing have an opinion or even change its opinion? The prompt was not: To what extent does your essay agree?

But in some cultures, using the word "I" is somewhat offensive, being considered presumptuous, arrogant or prideful. They are reticent to use "I" because their culture has trained them to be demure and indirect.

That is not so in IELTS. If you are asked a direct question, a direct corresponding response is natural and expected.

Viete

Thanks!

Uh, is there any difference between "do you agree or disagree" and "to what extent do you agree"?

Absolutely. They are different questions. I have given you an extensive explanation in your previous post. Please review, so I don't have to repeat so much.

https://www.englishforums.com/English/PleaseAssessFirstEssay/bqjvwc/post.htm

If the examiner is looking for an answer to this question: To what extent do you agree or disagree?, be prepared with a good handful of adverbs of extent. This is a very common prompt in IELTS Task 2 essays.

Here are some for complete agreement / disagreement:
------------

completely
fully
totally
wholeheartedly
unreservedly
with no reservations
without reservation
unequivocally
unquestionably
with no hesitation
unconditionally

BEWARE: There is a hidden trap with this question.

Some people write "I partly / somewhat agree." Then they proceed to write a different type of essay, "discuss both views". They give equal weight to both viewpoints. They do not clearly establish an unbalanced "partial" position such as 25% disagree and 75% agree.

They do not have the advanced skills required to express an argument weighted to one side. Even native speakers cannot pull this off and lose points.

VieteTherefore, forcing such people to become vegetarian

Reading that is a surprise because the idea of forcing such a diet was not written in the question at the beginning. It's also not an issue in general.

Vieteis the possibility of obtaining a well-planned diet

Having would be much more natural instead of your word choice.

VieteWithout it, they would probably suffer from a lack of protein which consequently affects their building process.

There is a word missing there. Muscle would be a useful word to include.

Apart from that, what you wrote is questionable. Vegetarians get protein from eggs and milk.

Something similar which you can consider as a bonus, is this link https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/vegan-bodybuilding-diet It shows that vegans can also be bodybuilders.

VieteThey believe that the same nutrients can be found in plant-based sources.

That should be plant and fungus-based. Vegetarians also eat fungi which are not plants. You would benefit from reading this https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vegetarianism

Vieteare necessary to endure adequacy.

that should be ensure.

VieteWhile plant-based protein

That's not the only alternative source of protein. Vegetarians can get it from eggs and milk, while vegetarians and vegans can get it from fungi, which includes but is not limited to, mushrooms.

If you have the patience to do a long course on IELTS, this one is pretty good. Break it up into different lessons.

AlpheccaStarsThen they proceed to write a different type of essay, "discuss both views". They give equal weight to both viewpoints.

About the essay "discuss both views and give your opinion", should I include a third body paragraph supporting my opinion? While some people state their opinion only in the introduction and conclusion paragraphs, some include a seperate body paragraph so I'm a bit confused.