The Bart chart depicts a general amount of time, measured in billions, people used for making their telephone calls in the UK separated into three different types(local-fixed line, international-fixed line and all mobile calls) between 1995 and 2002

Overall, it’s evident that there was a considerable increase in time used to make for both national and international calls and mobiles over the period shown, whilst the total number of minutes used mostly for local calls remained stable for 7 years.

In 1995, the figure consumed for local calls stood at about 73 billions before there was a slight increase yearly until it reached a peak of 90% in 1999. However, from 1999 onward, this one declined gradually and came back the first number, over 70% in 2002.


By contrast, there were annual increases in time consumed both for national and international calls and for mobiles in 2002, at 60 billions and 45 billions respectively after the total number of minutes of national and international calls started at about 38 billions in 1995 while it could be seen the lowest number of mobiles consumed, at only 3% at the same time.

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Read my advice for Task 1 essays.

https://www.englishforums.com/English/IeltsTaskHintsTipsAdvice/bxgnkx/post.htm

You tend to write sentences that are too long and confusing for the reader.



The Bart (wrong word. Bart is the rapid transit system in San Francisco. It can also be a man's name. ) chart depicts (Not a good word choice. Use "depicts" for maps, illustrations and diagrams.) a general amount of time, (No, it plots minutes, not general time.) measured in billions, people used for making their telephone calls in the UK separated into three different types(local-fixed line, international-fixed line and all mobile calls) between 1995 and 2002 (missing punctuation)

Overall, it’s evident that (There are many issues here. Do not use contractions in essays. Also, "evident" is an opinion word. Do not write opinions in Task 1. FInally, these words an no information. This is explained in my advice post, above.) there was a considerable increase in time used to make for both national and international calls and mobiles over the period shown, whilst the total number of minutes used mostly for local calls remained constant stable (wrong word) for 7 seven years. (Which seven years?)

In 1995, the figure (wrong word ) consumed (wrong word - We do not eat time.) for local calls stood at about 73 billions (wrong form) before there was a slight increase yearly until it reached a peak of 90% in 1999. However, from 1999 onward, this one (wrong word) it declined gradually and returned to the value it originally had. came back the first number, over 70% (There are no percentages on the chart. Please explain how you computed 70 percent.) in 2002.

By contrast, there were annual increases in time consumed both for national and international calls and for mobiles in 2002, at 60 billions (wrong form) and 45 billions (wrong form) respectively after the total number of minutes of national and international calls started at about 38 billions (wrong form) in 1995 while it could be seen the lowest number of mobiles consumed, (We do not eat mobile phones.) at only 3% (There are no percentages on the chart. Please explain how you computed 3 percent.) at the same time (missing punctuation) You have written one very long and convoluted sentence for this paragraph. It is not grammatical. Paragraphs need more than one sentence.


Example essay:

Paragraph 1: Describe the figure:

The time-series bar chart compares the total minutes of telephone calls each year in the UK over the eight-year period from 1995 to 2002. The totals are separated out by the type of call: Local (from a fixed line), International / national (from a fixed line) and mobile calls to all destinations.

Paragraph 2: Point out two or three significant points without going into details:

Overall, the total time that people spent on all telephone calls increased over the period by nearly 60%. Local fixed lines always accounted for the largest proportion, with international/national fixed line calls being second and mobile calls third.

Paragraph 3: Focus on some details with particular data values.

The total number of minutes started at 112 billion in 1995, going up to 150 billion in 1999, and ending at 175 billion in 2002. However, the increase was not equally proportioned across all three services; in particular, mobile phones represented less than 5% percent in 1995 and substantially increased their share of the total. The use of local fixed lines for calls peaked in 1998-1999 with close to 90 billion minutes in each of these years. After 1999, the decline in these calls of approximately 20 billion minutes was more than offset by an increase of 30 billion minutes in mobile calls. Fixed-line national / international calls increased linearly at a rate of about 3.2 billion minutes annually throughout this time, starting at 38 and ending at 62 billion minutes.

The Bart bar chart shows depicts a general the amount of time, measured in billions of minutes, people used for spent on making their three different types of telephone calls in the UK separated into three different types (local-fixed line, international-fixed line and all mobile calls) between 1995 and 2002.

Overall, it’s it is evident that there was a considerable increase in the time used to make for both national and international calls and mobiles as well as mobile calls over the period shown, whilst [ 1] while the total number of minutes used mostly for local calls went up in the first half of that period but then declined. [ 2] remained stable for 7 [ 3] years.

In 1995, the figure consumed for time people in the UK spent making local calls stood at about 73 just over 70 [ 3] billion minutes, before after which there was a slight increase yearly until it reached a peak of 90% [ 4] 90 billion minutes in 1999. However, from 1999 onward, this one it declined gradually after that and came back the first number, over back to its initial level of around 70% 70 billion minutes in 2002.

[ 5] By contrast, there were annual increases in time consumed both for national and international calls and for mobiles in 2002, at 60 billions and 45 billions respectively after the total number of minutes of national and international calls started at about 38 billions in 1995 while it could be seen the lowest number of mobiles consumed, at only 3% at the same time. [ 6]

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[ 1]: “Whilst” is not commonly used nowadays. Use “while” instead.

[ 2]: “remained stable” suggests that it did not change.

[ 3]: Write out (in words) numbers ten and under.

[ 4]: You will lose valuable marks for silly mistakes like that. A percentage is something different.

[ 5]: You said that above. Unnecessary repetition is not good in an essay, especially in IELTS task 1.

[ 6]: That’s poorly written. Rephrase it in a clear and concise manner.

AlpheccaStarsThe total number of minutes started at 112 billion in 1995, going up to 150 billion in 1999, and ending at 175 billion in 2002.

I wonder if that's an AmE thing, but I would have used "went up" and "ended at" instead of "going up" and "ending at" respectively in that sentence.

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teechrI would have used "went up"

That is a good alternative.

You would have written a fully inflected verb rather than the participle. It is a difference of finite clauses versus non-finite clauses. There is no difference in meaning.


Version 1.

The total number of minutes started at 112 billion in 1995, going up to 150 billion in 1999, and ending at 175 billion in 2002.

Version 2.

The total number of minutes started at 112 billion in 1995, went up to 150 billion in 1999, and ended at 175 billion in 2002.
AlpheccaStars5% percent in 1995 and substantially increased their share of the total.

What do you mean by the phrase 'increase their share of the total'?

AlpheccaStarsYou would have written a fully inflected verb rather than the participle. It is a difference of finite clauses versus non-finite clauses. There is no difference in meaning.

Still, I would have used a subordinating conjunction (such as "before") with the first participle (before going up to ...). It could be a difference between AmE and other varieties.

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