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Ielts Writing task 2

Task: These days, people in many cities know little about neighbors and do not have sense of community. What are the causes and can you suggest any solutions ?

Neighbors play an essential role in our life. A good neighbor can bring happiness to your life. There is a fact that people in many cities become more and more isolated and have far distance from the neighborhood. In this essay, I will discuss the reasons and suggest some solutions to this problem.

Firstly, people in the modern cities are very busy with their own work. They unable to arrange times for socializing with the people who live next door. They follow the strict routines every day. In the morning, they walk fast to reach their office and business place. They are busy talking to their colleagues and customers. After returning home in the evening, they spend time with their family members. Therefore, they scarcely have times to have a conservation with the neighborhood.

Secondly, the increase in crimes in the urban community makes people become unnecessarily cautious and suspicious, especially with the strangers and the people that they meet for the first time. For instance, when people find their property lost, they suspect their neighbors of stealing their things. Therefore, the relationship between them and their neighborhood is cracked. People in cities are in constant fear of being harmed. As a result, inhabitants of cities tend to become isolated with community.

There are some solutions should be measured to solve this problem. First, government can organize activities regularly to improve the relationship of neighbors in the community. Second, improving security in the community and spreading positive news can reduce people’s fear of being harmed by unknown people. As a result, people will more open-minded to people who live next door. At last, building more park, community center and children’s playground can be a good measure to let people socialize and know each other. It is helpful to meet friends, enhance the bonds of family and neighbors.

As we can see, there are variety reasons that lead to this problem and some solutions can help to build the strong sense of community. People in the cities should not avoid interacting neighbors and society. It is nicer for the community to develop a friendly environment to live with all neighbors.

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Neighbors play an essential role in our life. A good neighbor can bring happiness to your life. There is a fact that (unnecessary. ALso, the expression uses "it", not "there.") people in many cities become more and more isolated and have (wrong word) far distance from the neighborhood. (That makes no sense. People in cities live much closer to their neighbors than in small villages or in the country.) In this essay, I will discuss the reasons and suggest some solutions to this problem.

Improper thesis statement. Never mention your essay, your writing, or what you are going to tell the reader in an academic or formal essay. Write a thesis statement. It is the main point of the essay.


Firstly, First, people in the modern cities are very busy with their own work. They unable to arrange times for socializing with the people who live next door. They follow the strict routines every day. In the morning, they walk fast to reach their office and business place. They are busy talking to their colleagues and customers. After returning home in the evening, they spend time with their family members. Therefore, they scarcely have times (wrong form) to have a conservation with the neighborhood. (wrong word)

Secondly, Second, the increase in crimes in the urban community makes people become unnecessarily cautious and suspicious, especially with the strangers and the people that they meet for the first time. For instance, when people find their property missing lost, they suspect their neighbors of stealing their things. Therefore, the relationship between them and their neighborhood is cracked. (wrong word) People in cities are in constant fear of being harmed. As a result, inhabitants of cities tend to become isolated with community.

There are some solutions should be measured to solve this problem. First, the government can organize activities regularly to improve the relationship of neighbors in the community. Second, improving security in the community and spreading positive news can reduce people’s fear of being harmed by unknown people. As a result, people will more open-minded to people who live next door. At last, (wrong expression) building more park, (wrong form) community center (wrong form) and children’s playground (wrong form) can be a good way measure to let people socialize and know each other. It is helpful to meet friends, enhance (wrong word - strengthen) the bonds of family and neighbors.

As we can see, there are variety reasons that lead to this problem and some solutions can help to build the strong sense of community. People in the cities should not avoid interacting neighbors and society. It is nicer for the community to develop a friendly environment to live with all neighbors.

Comments  
Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?

Thank you for correcting my essay.

I have some questions I want to ask you:

1. What sentence can I replace

“In this essay, I will discuss the reasons and suggest some solutions to this problem.” ?

2. Why “park”, “center”, playground” are wrong form ?

Thank you very much.

NGUYÊN PHẠM KHÔI“In this essay, I will discuss the reasons and suggest some solutions to this problem.” ?

You need to write a thesis statement. A thesis statement is the main point that you will argue in the essay. Look at your conclusion for a good thesis statement, because you summarize your main point in the conclusion.

This video gives an example of how to write a thesis statement.

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NGUYÊN PHẠM KHÔI2. Why are “park”, “center”, playground” the are wrong form ?

They are the wrong form because you used the word "more" which means more than one. "More park" is like saying "ten park."

If you want just one of these items, then you need to use the article "a." If you mean that one of each should be built, then write:

FInally, building a park, a community center and a children’s playground  can be a good way to let people socialize and know each other.

If you want one of these three, then use "or":

FInally, building a park, a community center or a children’s playground  can be a good way to let people socialize and know each other.

Note: You can use "more" with a non-count singular noun: Give me more water, please. / We all need more love and happiness.


If you think the government should build lots of these facilities throughout the country, then you need the plural forms:

FInally, building more  parks, community centers and  children’s playgrounds can be a good way to let people socialize and know each other.
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