+0
In this day and age, the impact of information technology has transformed the way we live, communicate and even work. Therefore, numerous workers are able to do teleworking instead of going to the offices. I believe that the advantages of this trend outweigh the drawbacks.One of the main drawbacks is that it can lead the employees a sedentary lifestyle. Because they just spend for hours sitting at their computers in stead of taking regular exercise or hanging out. In the long term, this lack of activity will harm to them, consequently having some diseases such as obesity and tiredness. Another thing is that, workers may lack of their interpersonal skills like communication and teamwork skills. Due to the breakthroughs of technology, they do not need to go outside to meet their clients or discuss the project face-to-face with their collegues. As a result, they could have difficulty in communicating with the others directly and doing team work and sometimes might experience feelings of loneliness and isolation.Despite some detrimental effect, we can not deny that telecommuting brings myriad benefits for the employees.Firstly, it provide them with flexibility and convenience. The staffs may be free to choose their own working environment, the café, their own bedroom or even when they are travelling for instance, so that the workers can feel comfortable while working. Secondly, people do not need to go to the companies on a daily basis. Hence, they can save a large amount of time commuting back and forth to work and can use this time to do another tasks. Moreover, it is a chance for moms with have little kids or the disabled, who are unable to work outside, can earn a living. To sum up, there are several downsides from the mobile technology, however, if we keep an eye on how much we rely on this resource, the advantages will be greater for teleworkers
+1

You must divide your essay into paragraphs. There should be four or five paragraphs: Introduction, body (2 or 3), and conclusion.


In this day and age, (This is not necessary. The present perfect tense tells us that it is present time.) the impact of information technology (the impact did not do the transformation; IT did it.) has transformed the way we live, communicate and even work. Therefore, numerous (not a good word choice) workers are able to do teleworking instead of going to the offices. I believe that the advantages of this trend (A trend is something that is increasing or decreasing. You did not mention any such thing.) outweigh the drawbacks.One of the main drawbacks is that it can lead the employees a sedentary lifestyle. (incorrect) Because they just spend for hours sitting at their computers in stead of taking regular exercise or hanging out. (That is too informal for an academic essay. Thew last sentence is a fragment, not a sentence.) . In the long term, this lack of activity will harm to them, consequently having some diseases (ungrammatical) such as obesity and tiredness. (Tiredness is not a disease.) Another thing is that, workers may lack of their interpersonal skills like communication and teamwork skills. Due to the breakthroughs of technology, (You need to be more specific. What kind of breakthrough are you thinking of?) they do not need to go outside to meet their clients or discuss their project face-to-face with their collegues. As a result, they could have difficulty in communicating with the others directly and doing team work and sometimes might experience feelings of loneliness and isolation.Despite some detrimental effect, (wrong form) we can not deny that telecommuting brings myriad (wrong word - many / several / three/ ) benefits for the employees.Firstly, First, it provide (wrong form) them with flexibility and convenience. The staffs (wrong form) may be free to choose their own working environment, the café, (Which one? "the cafe" means one in particular.) their own bedroom or even when they are travelling for instance, (wrong punctuation) so that the workers can feel comfortable while working. Secondly, Second, people do not need to go to the companies office on a daily basis. Hence, they can save a large amount of time commuting back and forth to work and can use this time to do another tasks. Moreover, it is a chance for moms with have little kids or the disabled, who are unable to work outside, can (wrong form) earn a living. To sum up, there are several downsides from the mobile technology, (wrong punctuation) however, if we keep an eye on how much we rely on this resource, the advantages will be greater for teleworkers

+0

Please post essays in the essay forum so a moderator does not have to move your post.
https://www.englishforums.com/English/EssayReportCompositionWriting/Forum9.htm


Please do not put the essay instructions in the "Subject" line.
Put it with your answer in the message body.

Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic:Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace (e.g. at home, when traveling, etc). Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?

My essay:

(Your text here...)
---------------------

Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
Comments  
Thank you so much for checking my essay
Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.