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Hi, this is the first time I ask someone to check my essay ^^ I really have no idea what score I may get with this, please help me, thank you so much ^^


In recent times, economic growth has helped many become richer, both in
developed and developing countries. However, those in developed countries are not as
happy as they were in the past. Why is this? What can be learned from this?


"It is true that the rapid development of the economy leads to a rise in the number of wealthy people. However, economic growth has affected those people’s happiness because of various reasons, in my opinion, we could learn some beneficial lessons from this trend.


More people are becoming richer nowadays, which means that they have to put a lot of effort to fulfill their achievements. They need to study full-time and get good grades in school to get more job opportunities. Similarly, those who are working would work full-time to earn more money as well as to have a better quality of life for their families. They might become wealthier later, but at the same time, they easily feel exhausted and depressed or have less sense of satisfaction. Whereas in the past, people might not be as rich as today but they had a more comfortable life and lesser work pressure.


What we could learn from this trend is that money is not the most essential element of people’s life. Despite the fact that earning money is vital, I believe that entertainment activities and being happy are equally important. In my opinion, having worked for long hours may lead to a better quality of life, but it would not bring people happiness. To tackle this issue, the governments and employers should come up with some ideas to decline people’s stress. For example, a policy could be established to encourage people to enjoy their life instead of working the whole day. In Japan, an employee would be rewarded if he or she could come home before 6 in the evening.


In conclusion, economic growth helped people to be wealthier, but it also has negative impacts on them. I believe that more should be done to bring more happiness to life."

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Much of your first body paragraph is off topic (not on target). In that paragraph, you should explore the reasons that rich people in developed countries are not happy. You need to organize your ideas and structure your essay well. Take a look at my replies in the links below to see what I mean.

https://www.englishforums.com/English/EssayAgreeDisagreeYoungEnjoyLife-Older/bjnlwx/post.htm

https://www.englishforums.com/English/CanAnyoneCheckEssay/bwpzmg/post.htm

Your second body paragraph is better, but it could also do with some tidying up. Revise your essay and repost it below.