TOPIC: Some people think that the range of technology available to people is increasing the gap between the rich and the poor. Others think it has an opposite effect. Discuss both views and give opinions.

People have different view about the impact of technology on human. While many argue that applying science make distance between the rich and the poor greater. I firmly believe that it will bring many benefits.

It is a fallacy to consider not using technology will remove the gap between rich and poor people. Advocates of this view will argue that technology bring many advantage and priorities for rich people who can afford its high cost and the poor cannot compete with them. However, this reasoning is mainly exaggerated since wealth gap was existed in the past when science was not developed. Furthermore, scientist are trying to reduce the price to minimum. Therefore, addressing technology as a cause is unreasonable.

On the other hand, I am of the opinion that science is a helpful assistant in our work. The first reason is that thank to modern technology, human can avoid many occupational risks, in other word, equipment was used to in many dangerous fields which such as adventure, chemical industry. Without technology support, people may suffer substantial accident in real life. A merit worth mention is the speed and accuracy of it, for example, thanks to the modern computer, accountant now can calculate and check the data faster and more accurate.

In conclusion, despite other’ belief that technology is a cause of inequality, I firmly believe the plus point of modern technology will bring many advantages

Thanks for your advice in advance

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People have different view about the impact of technology on [ 1] humans. While many argue that applying science modern scientific discoveries and technological innovations make distance [ 2] between the rich and the poor greater, [ 3] I firmly believe that it will they bring many benefits to everyone.

It is a fallacy to consider [ 4] On the one hand, some claim that not using technology will remove can help in reducing the gap between rich and poor people. Advocates of this view will argue that technology brings many advantage and priorities benefits for rich people who can afford its high cost, and whereas the poor cannot benefit from it. compete with them. However, this reasoning is mainly exaggerated since wealth gap was existed in the past when science was not developed. [ 5] Furthermore, scientist are trying to reduce the price to minimum. [ 6] However, this is not the case in reality. Even though some modern technologies and gadgets may be expensive when they first come on the market, their prices eventually fall due to increased production efficiency and competition. For example, when Apple launched the first iPhone model, it was expensive…. [ 7]

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[ 1]: When speaking about something in general, use the plural (if it’s countable).

[ 2]: “make distance” is unnatural. Try something like “shrinks the gap” or “reduces the economic divide”.

[ 3]: That full stop was wrong. The structure is “While ….. , …...”.

[ 4]: Do not try to complicate your expressions. That only leads to grammar mistakes, makes the text difficult to follow, frustrates the reader/examiner, and gets you a low mark.

[ 5]: That sentence is off topic (outside the scope of the essay).

[ 6]: I understood your idea, but take a look at how I expressed it. Ideas in a body paragraph should follow a general-to-specific structure. You present a general idea and zoom onto specific examples. That supports your position, makes your essay more interesting, and gets you a higher mark.

[ 7]: Try to finish off that point and see if you can add another to that paragraph. Do the same for your second body paragraph, but remember to keep your phrasing concise and simple and focus on the ideas. Post your revised essay below, if you like.