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Hello, I am a high school student who are preparing for my IELTS test in August this year. I am struggling with writing skill. So, hope you guys help me. Thank you in advance!

Topic: When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is true that salary is one of the top priority for people who are seeking for a job. While I agree that this view may suit with several people, I also believe others take some other factors are more important in consideration.

On the one hand, there are a variety of reasons that people should choose a high-paying job. Firstly, being offered a well-payment help employers meet their basic demands. For example, they buy a comfortable house, take their children into a good school, or even go on a luxury holiday. Secondly, a competitive salary is one of the best motivation for employers. It may make them feel that they are appreciated by recruiters. So, they can take more responsibility with their works which leads them to contribute more on the development of their company.

On the other hand, job seekers also have several reasons besides salary when choosing a job. In fact, there are many people care about job satisfaction rather than money. If a person is passionate about outdoor life, he will not be happy being an office worker no matter how high the salary is. Furthermore, contributing to the community is another reason to choose a job. For instance, Miss Pham Thi Phuong Thao refused several high-paying jobs to teach English for children who live in remote areas. She shared that she found the meaning of her life through this job.

In conclusion, money can be an important factor to take for examination, but this not plays a key role for many people in making a career decision.

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It is true that (Do not begin a sentence "it is true that" unless you know the appropriate context for this clause. Would you write something that is not true? ) The salary being offered is one of the top priority (wrong form) for people who are seeking for a job. While I agree that this view may suit with several people, I also believe others take consider some other factors to be are more important in consideration.

On the one hand, there are a variety of reasons that people should choose a high-paying job. Firstly, First, being offered a well-payment (wrong usage. There is no such thing as a well-payment.) help (wrong form) employers (wrong word) meet their basic demands. For example, they buy a comfortable house, take their children to into a good school, or even go on a luxury holiday. Secondly, Second, a competitive salary is one of the best motivation for employers. (wrong word) It may make them feel that they are appreciated by recruiters. So, they can take more responsibility with their works (wrong form) which leads them to contribute more on (wrong word) the development of their company.

On the other hand, job seekers also have several reasons besides salary when choosing a job. In fact, there are many people (missing word) care about job satisfaction rather than money. If a person is passionate about outdoor life, he will not be happy being an office worker no matter how high the salary is. Furthermore, contributing to the community is another reason to choose a job. For instance, Miss Pham Thi Phuong Thao refused several high-paying jobs to teach English for children who live in remote areas. She said shared that she found the meaning of her life through this job.

In conclusion, money can be an important factor to take for examination, (wrong usage) but this (missing word) not plays (wrong form) a key role for many people in making a career decision.

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Thank for helping me. I have learned a lot from them! And here is my rewriting essay which based on your comments. Could you check it again, please?

Topic: When choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is true that some job seekers choose their career base on the salary level. While I agree that this view may suit several people, I also believe others consider some other factors to be more important.

On the one hand, there are a variety of reasons that people should choose a high-paying job. First, being offered a high salary helps employees meet their basic demands. For example, they buy a comfortable house, take their children to a good school, or even go on a luxury holiday. Second, a competitive salary is one of the best motivations for employees. It may make them feel that they are appreciated by recruiters. So, they can take more responsibility with their work which leads them to contribute more to the development of their company.

On the other hand, job seekers also have several reasons besides salary when choosing a job. In fact, there are many people who care about job satisfaction rather than money. If a person is passionate about outdoor life, he will not be happy being an office worker no matter how high the salary is. Furthermore, contributing to the community is another reason to choose a job. For instance, Miss Pham Thi Phuong Thao refused several high-paying jobs to teach English for children who live in remote areas. She said that she found the meaning of her life through this job.

In conclusion, money can be an important factor to be taken into consideration, but this may not play a key role for many people in making a career decision.

ngọc ngọcAnd here is my rewritten essay which is based on your comments. Could you check it again, please?

It is true that (Delete this clause.)

Some job seekers choose their career based on the salary alone. level. While I agree that this view (Delete this word. Use the pronoun "this".) may suit several people, I also believe others consider some other factors to be more important.

On the one hand, there are a variety of reasons that people should choose a high-paying job. First, being offered a high salary helps employees meet their basic demands. For example, they can / are able to buy a comfortable house, take their children to a good school, or even go on a luxurious / expensive holiday. Second, a competitive salary is one of the best motivations for employees. It may make them feel that they are appreciated by their employer recruiters. So, they can take more responsibility with their work which leads them to contribute more to the development of their company.

On the other hand, job seekers also have several reasons besides salary when choosing a job. In fact, there are many people who care about job satisfaction rather than money. If a person is passionate about outdoor life, he will not be happy being an office worker no matter how high the salary is. Furthermore, contributing to the community is another reason to choose a job. For instance, Miss Pham Thi Phuong Thao refused several high-paying jobs to teach English to children who live in remote areas. She said that she found the meaning in her life through this job.

In conclusion, money can be an important factor to be taken into consideration, but this may not play a key role for many people in making a career decision.

Many thanks for helping me!

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