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Please help me check this IELTS essay. I really appreciate your help!

Topic: Teenagers should learn a range of subjects. Some people think it is a waste of time. Do you agree or disagree?

People have different points of view about students' curriculum. Some argue that it is time-wasting to study a wide range of subjects; however, I strongly believe that adopting a diversified curriculum is beneficial for young learners in many aspects.

On the one hand, widening knowledge in different subjects opens up more opportunities for leaners to get a good job after graduation. Current recruiters show a tendency to prefer candidates who can do a various array of jobs within a single position rather than job specialists. An accounting clerk, for example, is required to possess a collection of skills, ranging from those learnt in the field of finance and accounting, to those in other relevant subjects, such as communication, planning, and sociology. The broader knowledge young learners gain in schools, the more adaptable they are in this competitive and fast-changing job market.

In addition, following a diversified curriculum also fosters students' physical and mental well-being. It is obvious that sport-related courses in schools play an integral role in strengthen students' physical health, reducing the risk of cardiovascular disease, obesity, and so forth. Some argue that recreational subjects such as physical exercise, music, and painting are likely to divert leaners' attention from their main academic courses. However, as a matter of fact, learning these subjects can prevent students from boredom, fatigue, and countless mental problems, boosting their ability to absorb knowledge when learning academic subjects.

For the reasons mentioned above, learning a great variety of subjects does more good than harm to teenagers. Not only does it help teen learners to match the needs of the uncertain and complex world, but it also enhances their physical and psychological health.

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