It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. What do you think is the reason for a growth in the rate of juvenile crime? What solutions can you offer to deal with this situation?

Discuss about causes and solutions.

Write at least 250 words.

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It is true that the juvenile delinquency rate is rampant, especially in metropolitan areas. Although, some believe that violence in the media causes the increase of that phenomenan, some other causes should be taken into account as well.


There are some primary reasons for that problem. Firstly, since the young people have access to the Internet, juvenile crime is more organized, well-planned or secure than it was in the past. For example, the recruitment and crime planning works are done seemlessly throught social network channel, they vows to protect the user's privacy. Secondly, in some large cities, like Chicago, there are increasing of drug traffickings targetting young adults. Plenty of evidences that human's brain is effected easily by the negative influences of these drug


Nevertheless, there are also a variety of solutions to alleviate this issue. The Internet police can disguise themself as a normal youngsters who wish to join illegal groups for investigation and evidence gathering purposes. The police have the oppotunity not only to prevent the particular crime beforehand but also understand the underlying structure behind any comtemporary juvernile delinquency. Futhermore, law enforcement should take steps to tighten drug control as well as making sure there is no drug in the market. For instance, increasing fines and penalties for drug- related activities would deterrent to drug traffickers and buyers alike.


In conclusion, the Internet and drug industry are contribution factors in increasing juvenile delinquency rate. The internet police and law enforcement should cooperate to minimize this issue.

It is true that the juvenile delinquency rate is rampant, especially in metropolitan areas. Although, some believe that violence in the media causes the increase of that phenomenan, some other causes should be taken into account as well.


There are some primary reasons for that problem. Firstly, since the young people have access to the Internet, juvenile crime is more organized, well-planned or secure than it was in the past. For example, the recruitment and crime planning works are done seemlessly throught social network channel, they vows to protect the user's privacy. Secondly, in some large cities, like Chicago, there are increasing of drug traffickings targetting young adults. Plenty of evidences that human's brain is effected easily by the negative influences of these drug


Nevertheless, there are also a variety of solutions to alleviate this issue. The Internet police can disguise themself as a normal youngsters who wish to join illegal groups for investigation and evidence gathering purposes. The police have the oppotunity not only to prevent the particular crime beforehand but also understand the underlying structure behind any comtemporary juvernile delinquency. Futhermore, law enforcement should take steps to tighten drug control as well as making sure there is no drug in the market. For instance, increasing fines and penalties for drug- related activities would deterrent to drug traffickers and buyers alike.


In conclusion, the Internet and drug industry are contribution factors in increasing juvenile delinquency rate. The internet police and law enforcement should cooperate to minimize this issue.

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Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic: It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. What do you think is the reason for a growth in the rate of juvenile crime? What solutions can you offer to deal with this situation? Please write the complete instructions.

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?

oh, I am sorry, I am sure that my mistakes will not recur. Thank for your instruction.

Your essay barely meets the minimum word count. You should write a little more than the minimum. There is no penalty for writing more than the minimum, but there is a penalty for less. The highlighted words have problems.

The essay topic was about "violence in the media" but you did not once mention this, except in the paraphrase of the topic. You should mention this in the body of your essay and also in the conclusion.


It is true that The juvenile delinquency rate is rampant, (Wrong word. You can say "crime is rampant", but not "the crime rate is rampant". The rate is just a calculation of the amount of crime. ) especially in metropolitan areas. Although, (wrong punctuation) some believe that violence in the media causes the increase of that phenomenan, (wrong spelling, wrong word choice) some other causes should be taken into account as well.


There are some primary reasons for that problem. Firstly, First, since the young people have access to the Internet, juvenile crime is more organized, well-planned or secure than it was in the past. (What about violence in the media? That is the essay topic.) For example, the recruitment and crime planning works are done seemlessly throught social network channel, they (?? no antecedent) vows (wrong form) to protect the user's privacy. Secondly, Second, in some large cities, like Chicago, there are increasing of (wrong phrasing) drug traffickings targetting young adults. Plenty (Too casual for a formal essay) of evidences that human's (wrong form) brain is effected (wrong word) easily by the negative influences of these drug (wrong from, missing punctuation)

Nevertheless, there are also a variety of solutions to alleviate this issue. The Internet police (Is there such a thing? Which government do they report to?) can disguise themself (wrong phrasing) as a normal youngsters (In the US, a youngster is a child from 7 to 12 years old) who wish to join illegal groups for investigation and evidence gathering (hyphenated.) purposes. (Misplaced phrase. Normal youngsters do not join groups for these reasons.) The police have the oppotunity not only to prevent the particular crime beforehand but also understand the underlying structure behind any comtemporary juvernile delinquency. Futhermore, law enforcement should take steps to tighten drug control as well as making sure there is no drug (No medicines?) in the market. For instance, increasing fines and penalties for drug- related activities would deterrent (wrong phrasing) to drug traffickers and buyers alike.


In conclusion, the Internet and drug industry are contribution factors in increasing the juvenile delinquency rate. The internet police (??) and law enforcement should cooperate to minimize this issue.