Some people think that the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather than to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In contemporary society, the primary purpose of schools has been under heated debate. Many people hold the view that transforming kids into good citizens and workers is the fundamental goal of education in schools rather than concentrating on individual betterment. From my perspective, I agree with the given sentiment and this course of the essay will elaborate carefully to provide the reasons for my personal opinion.
First and foremost, it is likely universal that a good individual should be useful to certain communities. It means that a well-skilled person might not be defined as a good one if those harms or are unsupportive to societies. Therefore, schools in which children's perspectives could be changed officially and openly should mainly focus on educating moral lessons and qualifies alongside particular subjects or skills. Being community-minded, for example, seem to be a necessary characteristic that is needed to be taught in schools, especially in fast-paced life in which there is likely sympathy insufficient. In a nutshell, a community could not be prosperous unless every single citizen is dedicated to bigger purposes.
However, it is indicated that generally moral lessons are unlikely the only target of teaching in schools since the development of societies relies significantly on single and personal innovations. specifically, Throughout the countless year of humankind's life, there was numerous innovative inventions and explorations that were undertaken by genius brains that have been changing human life totally and positively such as America's exploration and invention of the internet and computers, or chronic disease treatments. Therefore, alongside the primary goal, seeking and nurturing individual talents should be taken into consideration in order to create a quality workforce for our community. Seeking talent shows, for example, specific courses, and modern facilities should be provided free for children when they are still in school seats.
In conclusion, in spite of individualism development in contemporary society school should play the main role in educating the young generation to turn out the useful and well-educated people in their community. Besides, increasing personal betterment is not likely less crucial, however, it does not seems the major purpose of education.
You wrote over 350 words. It is too long. The minimum is 250. You will not lose points for writing more; however, longer essays generally do not get high band scores. And there are many reasons for this.
First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for each of those errors.
Second, your writing may be repetitious and wordy. This will cost you points in task response or coherence and cohesion.
Third, you will likely stray off-topic, and examiners will deduct points if you are not focused on the topic. Do not write about things that are not specifically given in the task. You will also be tempted to use weak or unsound arguments or even lose your direction and contradict yourself. Develop just two or three argument points with examples and personal experiences. It is much better to have two well-developed and fleshed-out argument points than to have four which are just individual separate statements.
Fourth, you will spend a lot of time writing, and not have sufficient time left over to proofread your essay. You will miss the silly mistakes, which everyone makes, and that lowers your score.
Fifth, you will not have enough time for Task 1, and get a lower score there. You should allow 40 minutes for task and 20 minutes for Task 1. The word counts are designed so that you have ample time for brainstorming and then writing the two parts.
Aim to write around 270 words for Task 2. Practice writing a lot of essays so you get a feeling for the length.
You can use this word counter: https://www.ieltsscore.com/word-counter/
In contemporary society, the primary purpose of schools has been under heated debate. (That is not true. I have not heard any of these debates.)
Many people hold the view that transforming kids into good citizens and workers is the fundamental goal of education in schools rather than concentrating on individual betterment. From my perspective, (Agree is a perspective. This phrase is redundant.) I agree with this. the given sentiment and this course of the essay will elaborate carefully to provide the reasons for my personal opinion.
(Delete, unnecessary).
You did not answer the essay prompt clearly. The examiner is looking for an answer to this question: To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is good to know a good handful of adverbs of extent because this is a very common prompt in IELTS Task 2 essays.
Complete agreement / disagreement:
------------
completely
fully
totally
wholeheartedly
unreservedly
with no reservations
without reservation
unequivocally
unquestionably
with no hesitation
unconditionally
Partial agreement / disagreement:
----------------
somewhat
partially
partly
to some extent / to a limited extent / to a point
with (some / certain / a few) reservations
conditionally
First and foremost, it is likely universal that a good every individual should be useful to their community. certain communities. It means that a well-educated skilled person can be a criminal and harm or be destructive to might not be defined as a good one if those harms or are unsupportive to societies. Therefore, schools in which children's perspectives could be changed officially (wrong word) and openly (wrong word) should mainly focus on teaching / inculcating educating moral lessons and qualifies (wrong word) alongside particular academic subjects or skills. Being community-minded, for example, seem to be a necessary characteristic that is needed to be taught in schools, especially in fast-paced life in which there is likely a lack of sympathy insufficient. In a nutshell, (Too casual. Do not use these "cute" phrases.) a community could not be prosperous unless every single citizen is dedicated to a bigger purpose.
This next paragraph is mostly off-topic. Your thesis is " that transforming kids into good citizens and workers is the fundamental goal of education in schools" Do not argue against your thesis. I do not understand the point of your paragraph.. You will get a low score for "task response"
However, it is indicated that generally moral lessons are unlikely the only target of teaching in schools since the development of societies relies significantly on single and personal innovations. specifically, Throughout the countless year (One year? Which year?) of humankind's (wrong word) life, there was numerous innovative inventions and explorations that were undertaken by geniuses brains that have been changing human life totally and positively such as America's exploration and invention of the internet and computers, or chronic disease treatments. Therefore, alongside the primary goal, seeking and nurturing individual talents (Off-topic - you are not supporting your view here.) should be taken into consideration in order to create a quality workforce for our community. Seeking talent shows, for example, specific courses, and modern facilities should be provided free for children when they are still in school seats.
In conclusion, in spite of individualism development in contemporary society school should play the main role in educating the young generation to turn out the useful and well-educated people in their community. Besides, increasing personal betterment is not likely less crucial, (comma splice error) however, it does not seems (wrong form) the major purpose of education.