Hi everybody, I had to make an essay about a new fiction product, alcoholpills, here is a part of the essay where I'm not very sure about:

"Do you recognize it? You’re too drunk to talk to anybody cause alcohol has paralysed your brain, in an instant, your girlfriend appears on the scene, what do you do? In such a case, most of the time, your girlfriend becomes angry again, so you have to sleep on the couch next too the dog for the rest of the week. A men’s greatest wish is too get immediately rid of this painful situation, but yeah, as you know, this is pretty utopistic, I mean, it WAS pretty utopistic, cause now all problems are getting solved, by only one product, our newest innovation, namely SOBER-IN-NO-TIME. Our product is now for sale in 75 countries and we have recently gained the “innovation-award” from the BBC, the award for the best new product on the market."

Maybe someone can get a look at it? Would be really great!

Greetz Steven
Hi delange,

Your little essay needs a fair amount of work.

Do you recognize it? You’re too drunk to talk to anybody cause alcohol has paralysed your brain, in an instant. [Y]our girlfriend appears on the scene. [W]hat do you do? [In such a case, most of the time, your girlfriend becomes angry again, so you have to sleep on the couch next too the dog for the rest of the week...doesn't answer the question, what do you do?] A m[a]n’s greatest wish is too get immediately rid of this painful situation, but yeah[?], as you know, this is pretty utopistic [utopian], I mean[?], it WAS pretty utopistic[utopian], [be]cause now all problems are getting solved, by only one product, our newest innovation, namely SOBER-IN-NO-TIME. Our product is now for sale in 75 countries and we have recently gained the “innovation-award” from the BBC, the award for the best new product on the market.

You need to clean it up. Get rid of all "I mean" "but yeah" etc. It sounds rather immaturish. So if this a make believe essay, you need to kick it up a few notches.

MountainHiker
Ok, thanks for your advice
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DelangeHi everybody, I had to make an essay about a new fiction product, alcoholpills, here is a part of the essay where I'm not very sure about:

"Do you recognize it? You’re too drunk to talk to anybody cause alcohol has paralysed your brain, in an instant, your girlfriend appears on the scene, what do you do? In such a case, most of the time, your girlfriend becomes angry again, so you have to sleep on the couch next too the dog for the rest of the week. A men’s greatest wish is too get immediately rid of this painful situation, but yeah, as you know, this is pretty utopistic, I mean, it WAS pretty utopistic, cause now all problems are getting solved, by only one product, our newest innovation, namely SOBER-IN-NO-TIME. Our product is now for sale in 75 countries and we have recently gained the “innovation-award” from the BBC, the award for the best new product on the market."

Maybe someone can get a look at it? Would be really great!

Greetz Steven
Learning english

For many years comunication it the way to express ideas ,feeling with another person,by talking or writing.Learning english to been one of the challenges for many person arriving from other countries.The first reason by which all the foreigners should speak englishis to find a better work and be able to make more money.tHE SECOND REASON IS IF YOU FEEL SURE OF WHAT YOU MEAN and your self esteem improves.The third reason is you be able to speak in the same languaje, and understand ideas. Finally to learn english help you to express positively and give you the opportunity to have a better future for our family.

For one thing, school bullies and dictators are becoming more threats and major problems in our daily life and school. Because of that some student refuses to go to school to learn and some avoid going to classes because they don’t want to get bully, laugh at, makes fun at them or being manipulate by the student at so they stay away from school. Although school bullies and dictators have the same similarities, but there are lots of differences.

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