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I have tried to correct the setences below, I just need someone to confirm it. Thanks in advance

Original
  1. When our Marketing Manager had to write a twenty page report, she started by collecting information, and organizing it.
  2. A business writters biggest problem is usually poor organization according to experts.
  3. The company Vice President came to the President and I asking for help with 2 complex but seperate advertising problems.
  4. Because neither of us were particularly creative we decided to organize a brainstorming session rather then work by ourself.
  5. Our brain storming session included: Amanda, Rory, Rashid and Cynthia.
  6. One of our principle goals were to create one hundred ideas in thiry minutes however we were prepared to meet up to 1 hour.
  7. Although we knew the principals of outlining we had trouble grouping our ideas into 3 to 5 major headings.
  8. Robyn Clarkes article titled A Better way to brainstorm which appeared in the magazine Black Enterprise was helpful to the President and I.
  9. Frontloading a message saves a readers time therefore its worth making the effort to put the main idea first.
  10. By learning to distinguish phases from clauses you;; be better able to avoid 3 basic sentence faults, the fragment, the run on sentence and the comma splice.
Mine
  1. When our marketing manager had to write a 20 page report; she started by collecting information and organizing it.
  2. A business writter's biggest problem is usually poor organization, according to experts.
  3. The company's vice-president came to the president and I asking for help with two complex but seperate advertising problems.
  4. Because neither of us were particularly creative; we decided to organize a brainstorming session rather than work by ourself.
  5. Our brainstorming session included Amanda, Rory, Rashid and Cynthia.
  6. One of our principle goals were to create 100 ideas in 30 minutes; however we were prepared to meet up to an hour.
  7. Although we knew the principles of outlining; we had trouble grouping our ideas into three to five major headings.
  8. Robyn Clarke's article entitled "A Better Way to Brainstorm", which appeared in the magazine "Black Enterprise" was helpful to the president and I.
  9. Front-loading a message saves a reader's time; therefore it's worth making the effort to put the main idea first.
  10. By learning to distinguish phases from clauses; you will able to avoid three basic sentence faults: the fragment, the run on sentence and the comma splice.
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Hi,

  1. When our Marketing Manager had to write a twenty page report, she started by collecting information and organizing it.
  2. A business writer's biggest problem is usually poor organization, according to experts.
  3. The company Vice President came to the President and me, asking for help with two complex but separate advertising problems.
  4. Because neither of us were particularly creative, we decided to organize a brainstorming session rather than work by ourselves.
  5. Our brainstorming session included Amanda, Rory, Rashid and Cynthia.
  6. One of our principal goals was to create one hundred ideas in thiry minutes. However, we were prepared to meet for up to one hour.
  7. Although we knew the principles of outlining, we had trouble grouping our ideas under three to five major headings.
  8. Robyn Clarke's article entitled 'A Better Way To Brainstorm', which appeared in the magazine 'Black Enterprise', was helpful to the President and me.
  9. Frontloading a message saves a reader's time. Therefore, it's worth making the effort to put the main idea first.
  10. By learning to distinguish phrases from clauses, you will be better able to avoid three basic sentence faults: the fragment, the run-on sentence and the comma splice.


  11. Whether or not to write numbers as words or numbersis a question of the style that you choose to use. In business writing, it's not uncommon towrite them in numeric form.

    Best wishes, Clive

Comments  
CliveThe company Vice President came to the President and me, asking for help with two complex but separate advertising problems.

Because neither of us were particularly creative, we decided to organize a brainstorming session rather than work by ourselves.

The first sentence is not clear to me.

I feel that the second sentence should read "Because neither of us was particularly creative.....".