My topic: Nowadays, international tourism is the biggest industry in the world. Unfortunately, international tourism creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

My essay:

In a recent decade, overseas tourism is developing dramatically and plays a vital role in industry of the world. Some individuals believe that this kind of industry brings pressure than understanding between people from different nations. While I think there are some tension, I also believe that the exchanging of culture is outweigh.

On the one hand, international tourism is a popular activity of recreation. Through travelling, foreign tourists can relax or recharge their batteries. Additionally, when tourists visit new distinations, they can taste new cuisine and discover local culture. As a result, they can open their minds and broadens their horizons. Another merit is that some countries rely on overseas tourism for main income. Thanks to tourism, local residents can attract investments from the government corporations. That leads to enhace the infrastruction and creates much employment for inhabitants. Quang Binh, for instance, attracted tremendous of dollars to develop this city because of having natural stunning caves which are special to attract foreign visitors.

On the other hand, this kind of tourism creates some problems to environment such as pollution or waste. When tourists come to the tourist traps too much without the control of government, they can bring many tons of rubbish for the environment. Moreover, to serve demands of travellers, many buildings are built, that leads to emessive accommodations which spoil natural sceneries. Another tension is disappearance of traditional jobs namely fishing, farming. Because the local is attracted by high income of jobs related to tourism, they can leave their tradition career and take part in jobs which serve tourists. This phenomenon can raise the living standard because the less people work in agriculture, the less food is served. Thus, residents might import foods from other regions.

To sum up, although international tourism creates some pressure for people, there are many advantages of this kind of industry, especially understanding between people around the world. I think the benefits are overweigh, so the government should develop this industry more.


(Out of the topic) - I and my friend (who has the same topic) are really sorry for not fixing our mistakes after your revisions. From now on, we will review them carefully, fix and send them again.

Hoping that we still receive your recommendations in the future.

Have a nice day!

In a recent decade (Which 10-year period do you mean? 1990-2000 or 2000-2010? "A recent decade" means one decade in recent history, e.g. the past 40 years. ) overseas tourism is (Don't use present tense for past events. ) developing dramatically and plays a vital role in (missing word) industry of the world. Some individuals believe that this kind of industry brings (missing word) pressure than understanding between people from different nations. While I think there are (subject/verb mismatch) some tension, I also believe that the exchanging of culture (wrong form) is outweigh. (wrong word. )

(Model paragraph:
In recent decades, international tourism has been developing dramatically, so much so that it now plays a vital role in the global economy. Some believe that it does not cultivate understanding between the tourists and local people; instead it creates envy, jealousy and distrust. While I think that a minority of the tourists can be obnoxious and create discord, I believe that the cultural exchange opportunities far outweigh any disadvantages.)

On the one hand, international tourism is a popular activity of recreation. Through travelling, foreign tourists can relax or recharge their batteries. Additionally, when tourists visit new distinations, they can taste experience a new cuisine (taste new foods) and discover local cultures. As a result, they can open their minds and broadens (wrong form) their horizons. Another merit (wrong word. benefit, advantage, plus) is that some countries rely on overseas tourism for (missing word) main income. Thanks to tourism, local residents can attract investments from the government corporations. (their government and international corporations) That leads to enhace the infrastruction and creates much employment for the inhabitants. Quang Binh, for instance, attracted tremendous (missing word) of dollars to develop this city because of having natural stunning caves which are special to attract (an attraction for) foreign visitors.

On the other hand, this kind of tourism creates some problems to (missing word) environment such as pollution or waste. When tourists come to the tourist traps (This is a very negative expression. A tourist trap is a place where tourists are cheated out of their money. For example, the taxi drivers charge them ten times more than the locals. The shops sell tawdry souvenirs made in China for high prices. The shop owners lie about the origin of these items. ) too much without the control of government, they can bring many tons of rubbish for the environment. Moreover, to serve demands of travellers, many buildings are built, that leads to emessive accommodations which spoil natural sceneries. Another tension is (missing word) disappearance of traditional jobs namely fishing, (missing word) farming. Because the local is attracted by high income of jobs related to tourism, they can leave their tradition (wrong form) career and take part in jobs which serve tourists. This phenomenon can raise the living standard because the less people work in agriculture, the less food is served. Thus, residents might import foods from other regions. (The last 2 sentences are incorrect. This will increase the cost of living for the locals because there are fewer people in the region growing fresh vegetables and raising chickens for eggs and meat. Food items for local markets must be imported from other regions. )

To sum up, although international tourism creates some pressure for people, there are many advantages of this kind of industry, especially understanding between people around the world. I think the benefits are overweigh, so the government should develop this industry more.


(Out of the topic) - I and my friend (who has the same topic) are really sorry for not fixing our mistakes after your revisions. From now on, we will review them carefully, fix and send them again.