The line graph provided represents the quantity of visits to two new music websites, Music Choice and Pop Parade, over a fifteen-day period. The amounts of visits are counted in thousands. Overall, there was an increase in the number of visits to both sites but Pop Parade attracted more visitors than Music Choice did.

With regard to Pop Parade, the number of visits declined from just under 120,000 to over 60,000 in the period between day 1 and day 5. There was a slight improve on day 6 but the amount of visits dropped sharply on the seventh day, only about 30,000. After that, the data fluctuated until it experienced a soar from 40,000 visitors on day 9 to nearly 160,000 on day 11. The website underwent a sudden decrease to 80,000 visitors on day 13 before climbing up to approximately 170,000 on the last day.

As regards Music Choice website, the quantity of visitors first stood at 40,000 before fluctuating slightly until day 11, except on day 13 the number reached 60,000. From the eleventh day, there was a significant rise in the amount of visits to about 130,000 on day 14. The number plummeted considerably to 70,000 on the final day.

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The line graph provided (Do not use "given" "provided or "shown". It is not what a native English speaker would write .) represents the quantity (wrong word. "Quantity" is mainly used for non-count things. quantity of food, quantity of water, or quantity of sand.) of visits to two new music websites, Music Choice and Pop Parade, over a fifteen-day period. The amounts (wrong word. "amount" is mainly used for non-count things. amount of food, amount of water, or amount of rice.) of visits are counted in thousands. (You must start a new paragraph here. Your topic has changed from describing the graph to describing its information.) Overall, there was an increase in the number of visits to both sites but Pop Parade attracted more visitors than Music Choice did.

Overall, there was an increase in the number of visits to both sites but Pop Parade attracted more visitors than Music Choice did on thirteen of the fifteen days.

With regard to Pop Parade, the number of visits declined from just under 120,000 to over 60,000 in the period between day 1 and day 5. There was a slight improve (wrong word - improve is a verb.) on day 6 but the amount of visits dropped sharply on the seventh day, only about 30,000. After that, the data fluctuated (wrong word - learn the pattern of "fluctuate.") until it experienced a soar (wrong word - soar is a verb, and it is not appropriate for Task 1..) from 40,000 visitors on day 9 to nearly 160,000 on day 11. The website's visitor count underwent a sudden decrease to 80,000 visitors on day 13 before climbing up to approximately 170,000 on the last day.

As regards the Music Choice website, the quantity of visitors first stood at 40,000 before fluctuating slightly until day 11, except on day 13 the number reached 60,000. From the eleventh day, there was a significant rise in the amount of visits to about 130,000 on day 14. The number plummeted (inappropriate word.) considerably to 70,000 on the final day.

Thank you! May I ask some more question?

1. Can you specify what is wrong with the word "fluctuated" and "fluctuating"?

2. What can the words "soar" and "plummet" be replaced with?

I hope you will reply to me soon!