The persecution has begun

Don't worry there won't be weapons

Only revolts and quarrels

And a little mocking.

You can't tolerate what I've become

Or the manifestation growing

Inside of my feverish host

You can't escape the dread -

As your dwelling I have become

You can run into the streets

But thee shall cross the develish needs -

Of the sweetheart that'd become the werewolf

Whose sharp claws and canines shall -

Rip your skin and bones

Shattering your heart into a million-

Broken pieces that is never to be -


For the little innocent child have become-

The scoundrel.


I'll comment on a detail. If you use an archaic word like "thee," you should know its use, so I'll provide it for you. "Thee" is an object of the verb, while "thou" is a subject. You should use "thou" rather than "thee" in your poem. I only mention it because you chose to suddenly use that form. I don't think you should use it unless you change all the mentions of the word "you" to the archaic forms.

Because I'm a little crazy and wondered about your other vocabulary, I checked on other words, and most of them are consistent and date back to before the era of "thee" and "thou."

At any rate, since you are writing a poem, and poets have a lot of flexibility while writing, you might just ignore my comments altogether.

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Okay, but do you think my poem is good?

Batwingdo you think my poem is good?

No; it is too unfocussed, full of vague, scattered images.

'child have' is just plain bad grammar.

"child have" was a mistake that I didn't see, I'm sorry.

What I don't see how the poem is vague?

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BatwingWhat I don't see how the poem is vague?

There are sweethearts and revolts and children and hosts, a loose collection of various images that is intended to add up to nothing much: a man who behaves in an unfair or dishonest way.

It doesn't take that much humanity or sense to acknowledge this poem could be about the loss of innocence and not necessarily an arrogant boasting from a malevolent man.

I think it can be. It needs a little more work but the theme is interesting in its ambiguity.

Is the scoundrel prideful of his own corruption or is he gnawed by regrets ?

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The poem is about depression. The person talking in the poem is the depression and the victim here is the one being affected by that person- depression. So the depression got into the innocent child like a virus and now controls the child. It's like two people in one body. One evil, one innocent and weak.