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Hi, teachers. Is this well-written or is there anything you would change? Also, would you write 'a' or 'another'? Thanks.


From a distance, Shelley nervously watches the staring contest between them... ending with the bear finally moving off. John remains motionless for a/another moment, then starts walking back toward Shelley.

Comments  
anonymousIs this well-written or is there anything you would change?

Be more specific. What distance? Where was she standing? She was nervous? No kidding. What showed that? The ellipsis is not good; use a comma. "A" or "another" hardly matters—what is a moment? I would have stood there until the bear was out of sight. John is the coolest customer in the world if he wasn't nervous, too. You asked.