It is believed that a huge amount of illegal acts have dropped due to high technology. While I agree that advanced devices is a critical factor making the number of criminal decreases significantly, I suppose that people do not really stop committing crimes thanks to advanced technology.

On the one hand, applying advanced devices to track lawbreakers enables polices easily find out people who commit crimes. For example, if officers use fingerprints of ex-offenders, criminals who are re-offenders will be captured as fast as possible. Besides that computer-based systems or surveillance cameras has become much more modern will save time for identifying and catching offenders as well as preventing the lawbreakers from taking in unlawful acts. Moreover, thanks to advancement in technology, citizens can protect themselves from danger by using applications installed on their smart phones in order to contact with polices in case of dangerous situations.

On the other hand, along with development of technology, the offenders may pose a serious threat to society when committing a crime by using advanced devices. Some criminals, especially those who take part in cybercrime, have used internet so as to steal other’s credit card information, bank account or to sell illegal drugs, etc. Hence, it is easy to see that besides supporting officers in capturing lawbreakers, high technology also expands the figure of illegal acts in some ways.

In conclusion, we can definitely say that although technological advancements help reduce crime rate, it is very hard to control people who commit a crime using advanced devices as a tool to break the law.

It is believed that a huge amount of illegal acts have dropped due to high technology.


That is not a good sentence.

1. Avoid "huge." It is a juvenile word and not appropriate for formal essays.

2. "Amounts have dropped" - Amount is used for non-count items: There is a small amount of money in my bank account. Doctors recommend that we drink large amounts of water every day.
"Acts" is a count noun.

3. "It is believed" is not a good paraphrase for this topic. The topic is not "many people believe that..."


Instead, give some background. Validate that there is more "high-tech" equipment installed:

There is more surveillance equipment installed in stores and in public spaces than ten years ago.  Everyone has a camera on their smartphone. Because of the increased numbers of cameras watching everyone, it is assumed that many crimes have been prevented and the crime rate is less than it would have been. 

.

While I agree that advanced devices (What devices?) is a critical factor making the number of criminal decreases (That makes no sense. What is a criminal decrease?) significantly, I suppose (Wrong usage) that people do not really stop committing crimes thanks to because of advanced technology.

"I suppose" means that you are making a guess. You need to make a statement agreeing or disagreeing with the premise, not a guess.

On the one hand, applying advanced devices (I do not understand. What devices track lawbreakers?) to track lawbreakers enables polices (wrong form) easily find out people who commit crimes. For example, if officers use fingerprints (Fingerprints are very old technology. What is the advanced technology here?) of ex-offenders, criminals who are re-offenders will be captured quickly. as fast as possible. Besides that computer-based systems or surveillance cameras has (wrong verb form) become much more modern will save time (Ungrammatical sentence - what is the subject of this verb?) for identifying and catching offenders as well as preventing the lawbreakers from taking in unlawful acts. Moreover, thanks to advancement in technology, citizens can protect themselves from danger by using applications installed on their smart phones in order to contact with polices in case of dangerous situations. (They just use their phone to call the police.)

On the other hand, along with development of technology, the offenders may pose a serious threat to society when committing a crime by using advanced devices. (Be specific. What devices are you talking about?) Some criminals, especially those who take part in cybercrime, have used the internet so as to steal other’s credit card numbers, information, access someone's bank account or to sell illegal drugs, etc. (Do not use ellipses, "etc." or phrases such as "and so on" in formal essays.) Hence, it is easy to see that besides supporting officers in capturing lawbreakers, high technology also expands the number figure (wrong word) of illegal acts in some ways.

In conclusion, we can definitely say that although technological advancements help reduce the crime rate, it is very hard to control people who commit a crime using use advanced devices as a tool to break the law.

Thank you so much for your advice