TOPIC:

Cambridge 15: writing IELTS task 2

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

Here is my essay:

As far as we know, advertisement nowadays has been a crucial part of the world of marketing. We can see its widespread through social network platforms with a significant increase. I would argue that advertising has succeeded to persuade us to buy items. However, advertising is so prevalent that people pay less attention to it.

One of strong evidence to say that advertisements successfully attract buyers with plenty of persuasions because it seemingly hypnotizes people to spend money on shopping. By designing lots of tactics like giving sales on special occasions or hiring many famous artists as their representatives that impact on customers more easily and make productive selling. Moreover, some companies make strategies to advertise new products by brainwashing people that if they use their products, they will see many instant effects. For instance, giving a sale with a discount of 50% due to Valentine's day and making sure safety and quality can make lots of beauty products sold out in just one day.

Nevertheless, there is another point of view that people buy less attention to advertisements. Because they don’t have the demand for buying. A conducted survey shows that most people really get annoyed when they have to wait for so much advertising videos if they want to watch their films. Furthermore, lots of advertising are so repetitive and not creative.

In conclusion, people still tend to buy items by sometimes noticing advertising. In my view, with the outbreak of social media such as Facebook, Youtube,...advertising will attach to them more closely

( hope to quickly updated)

1 2

You need to practice writing sentences. Write simple sentences. Yours are mostly ungainly, awkward and unnatural and you lose control of the sentence structure. So they become fragments, not complete sentences. Or the dependent clauses do not mesh well with the matrix clause.

The score you get depends completely on how you can clearly and effectively communicate your ideas to the examiner. If you try to write convoluted sentences with high-level but wrongly-used vocabulary words, you will get a very low score.

I copied a sample essay from another recent thread on the same topic below. Use it to study a high-scoring response to this topic. It has a mixture of simple, and compound-complex sentences.


As far as we know, That means you do not know much about this topic. You are making a guess. This is totally inappropriate here.) advertisement nowadays (This adverb is not used with the perfect tense.) has been a crucial part of the world of marketing. We can see its widespread (Widespread is an adjective. It requires a noun.) through social network platforms with a significant increase. I would argue that advertising has succeeded to persuade in persuading us to buy items. However, advertising is so prevalent that people pay less attention to it.

One of strong evidence (Evidence is non-count. You cannot write "one evidence") to say that advertisements successfully attract buyers with plenty of persuasions because it seemingly hypnotizes people to spend money on shopping. (Ungrammatical sentence. The main verb is missing.) By designing lots of tactics like giving sales on special occasions or hiring many famous artists as their representatives that impact on customers more easily and make productive selling. (Ungrammatical sentence. This is a long and complicated prepositional phrase. You lost control of the structure.) Moreover, some companies make unethical or disreputable strategies to advertise new products. (full stop! Here is a simple sentence. Vary the sentence types in your essay.) Their ads are designed to brainwash brainwashing people, convincing them that if they use their products, they will be very happy or successful, or someone will fall in love with them. see many instant effects. For instance, giving promoting sales a sale with a discount of 50% in time for due to Valentine's Day and making sure safety and quality (Ungrammatical ). can make lots of beauty products sold out in just one day.

Nevertheless, there is another point of view that people buy (wrong word) less attention to advertisements. Because they don’t have the demand for buying. (Ungrammatical sentence. The main clause is missing.) A conducted survey shows that most people really get annoyed when they have to wait for so much advertising videos if they want to watch their films. (This is very poor English. I understand what you are trying to say, but it is not written well.)Furthermore, lots of advertising are so too repetitive and not creative.

In conclusion, people still tend to buy items after they see an advertisement for them. by sometimes noticing advertising. In my view, with the outbreak (wrong word) of social media such as Facebook, Youtube,...advertising will attach (wrong word - I have no idea what you mean.) to them more closely (Do not use ellipses in formal essays. Do not use "etc." either. Be sure to use punctuation marks.)


Here is a sample essay on this topic that I wrote for another student. I added an analysis of the essay.

TOPIC:

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


MY ESSAY: 320 words.

Companies must still believe that advertisement is essential and beneficial for sales; that is why we are surrounded by it wherever we go. Personally, I see so many ads every day that I either ignore them or forget about them immediately and I am convinced that most people do the same.

There is intense competition for customers, and advertising is one of the few ways that companies appeal to buyers and gain brand recognition. They spend an inordinate amount of money on marketing. For instance, the major sports events on TV, such as the World Cup or Olympic Games can get hundreds of thousands of dollars for a 30-second ad. If Coke has a very visible ad, Pepsi and other beverage companies must do likewise; otherwise they will lose market share. The number of opportunities to catch our attention are nearly unlimited and companies exploit all of them. Ads are placed everywhere imaginable, from billboards, to posters, to social media, and other websites as well as on television and in the movie theaters.

Because of this, viewers get saturated with so many ads that they get tired and annoyed by having their enjoyable experiences or daily lives interrupted. People take proactive measures to avoid encountering ads. For example, many of my friends get ad-blockers added to their browsers so they will not be annoyed by flashing, distracting nonsense consuming screen space. If an ad comes on in the middle of a movie, my friends and I just take a break to go to the kitchen to make a snack. In this way, advertising becomes counterproductive because the brand or product, instead of being associated with delicious and beautiful experiences, just evokes anger and disgust.

In conclusion, companies are driven by competition and they place seductive and eye-catching advertisements everywhere possible. But that results in most consumers like myself ignoring them or taking actions to avoid them.


ANALYSIS. This is the traditional 4-paragraph argumentative essay.

Paragraph 1: Introduction

2 sentences. 51 words. It addresses both sides of the argument and states my opinion.

Sentence 1: Two very closely related simple sentences connected with a semicolon.
Sentence 2: A compound-complex sentence. Thesis statement for the essay.

Paragraph 2: First body paragraph. I addresses the successfulness of ads. That is the first view in the topic..

123 words in 6 sentences. It presents two arguments in favor of this view.

Sentence 1: Thesis statement for the paragraph. Compound-complex sentence.
Sentence 2: Simple sentence. A forceful claim.
Sentence 3 and 4: A specific example that supports the claim. Simple sentence followed by a compound-complex sentence.
Sentence 5: Second argument. Compound sentence.
Sentence 6: Support for the second argument.

Paragraph 3: Second body paragraph. I addresses statement that people ignore ads. That is the second view in the topic. And it is my opinion.

112 words. The length is balanced with the first body paragraph. Also note how the sentence structures match well with the previous paragraph. This provides a very smooth and logical flow of ideas.

Sentence 1: Thesis statement for the paragraph. Complex sentence.
Sentence 2: Simple sentence. A forceful claim.
Sentence 3 and 4: A specific example that supports the claim. Compound sentence followed by a compound-complex sentence.
Sentence 5: This sentence supports my opinion. Complex sentence.

Paragraph 4: Conclusion. 33 words.
Two sentences. The first summarizes body paragraph 1, and the second, body paragraph 2, including a restatement of my opinion. The first is compound, and the second is simple.

I did also read your advice and I recognize the biggest problem here that the lack of technical writing, for each type so I always make a lot of mistakes but I will practice and improve, again and again, I won't give up writing IELTS.

Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
Anna Walkertechnical writing,

Technical writing - this term means writing scientific articles and engineering documents.

Creative writing - this term means fiction and imaginative writing.

Formal writing - this term is for essays, reports and other types of academic writing.

Legal writing - This is for legislation, laws and contracts. It is very formal.

Your major problem is just lack of experience in composing sentences with correct grammar.

This is my rewriting with all corrected mistakes. I repaired my sentences shorter and combined with all collocations you give me to fix my essay. Hopefully this time, it will be better and fewer mistakes with clear ideas.

( I also rewrite my task 1 carefully: pie chart and table. I hope you will check it again ( with a little patience for a beginner like me. The habitat I living in is full of mother tongue and no one studies ielts (cry)).


Advertisement nowadays has played a crucial role in the world of marketing. We can see that it has been increasing significantly on the scale of the world through social network platforms. I would argue that advertising has succeeded in persuading us to buy items. However, advertising is so prevalent that people pay less attention to it.

Some strong evidence to say that advertisements could act as a strong persuasion device to seemingly hypnotize people into shopping. Many companies design lots of tactics like giving sales on special occasions or hiring many famous artists to cooperate with them as their representatives. The majority of their aims is to impact on customers more easily and make productive selling. Moreover, some companies make unethical or disreputable strategies to advertise new products. Their ads are designed to brainwash people, convincing them that if they use their products, they will be happy or successful, or some will fall in love with them. For instance, promoting sales with a discount of 50% in time for Valentine's Day and advertise lots of beauty products that will help your skin better in just a short time. The prevalence of such an approach always pushes items to be sold out in just one day and it works quite effectively to attract many customers.

Nevertheless, there is another point of view that people pay less attention to advertisements. The advert should understand the demand of customers what items they adore or hate. In contrast, some companies only care about how to put their advertising on the front pages of websites. A conducted survey shows that most people really get annoyed that so much advertising comes on in the middle of their favorite movies. Furthermore, lots of advertising are so repetitive and not creative. In this way, advertising becomes counterproductive because of the brand or product, instead of being associated with delicious and beautiful, just evoke anger and disgust.

In conclusion, people still buy items after they see an advertisement for them. In my view, with the breakout of social media like Facebook or Instagram, advertising will take advantage of them to interact with customers more closely. (350 words)

Anna WalkerAdvertisement nowadays has played a crucial role in the world of marketing. We can see that it has been increasing significantly on the scale of the world through social network platforms. I would argue that advertising has succeeded in persuading us to buy items. However, advertising is so prevalent that people pay less attention to it.

Advertisements 1 nowadays 2 has played play 3 a crucial role in the world of marketing.

Explanation for changes:

1. The concept or abstract noun is "advertising". The concrete noun is "advertisement." So you can write either of these:
Advertising plays a crucial role in the world of marketing. (preferred)
Advertisements play a crucial role in the world of marketing.

2. With a present tense verb, "nowadays" is superfluous. Also, this word is not very academic.

3. The present perfect indicates that the age of advertising is finished. Certainly, that is not true.


We can see that it has been increasing significantly on the scale of the world 1 through social network networking platforms 2.

1. That is unnatural English.

2. You can use these

through social networks
on social networking platforms

I would argue that advertising has succeeded in persuading us to buy things whether we need them or not. items.

Improvement in an idea that gets the reader's attention.

However, advertising is now so prevalent that people are paying pay less attention to it.

Anna WalkerSome strong evidence to say that advertisements could act as a strong persuasion device to seemingly hypnotize people into shopping.

That is a noun phrase. It is not a sentence.

Persuasion device is very unnatural, terrible. A device is only used as an abstract noun in specialized contexts.

I doubt very much that anyone is hypnotized - they may be enticed, compelled, or incentivised. Possibly mesmerized. People do not lose consciousness.



Many companies design lots of tactics like giving sales on special occasions or hiring many famous artists to cooperate with them (Inappropriate) act as their representatives.

The majority of their aims is to impact on customers more easily and make productive selling.


Words are not used naturally. Subject/verb mismatch.


Moreover, some companies make unethical or disreputable strategies to advertise new products. Their ads are designed to brainwash people, convincing them that if they use their products, they will be happy or successful, or some will fall in love with them.

For instance, promoting sales with a discount of 50% in time for Valentine's Day and advertise1 lots of beauty products that will help your skin better2 in just a short time.

That is a noun phrase. It is not a sentence.

1. Your compound noun phrase is not parallel.
2. ungrammatical, missing verb

The prevalence of such an approach always pushes items to be sold out in just one day and it works quite effectively to attract many customers.

Prevalence pushes items? That makes no sense.

Nevertheless, there is another point of view that people pay less attention to advertisements.

There are not two opposing points of view expressed directly in the topic. This is more of a consequence of too many ads.

Here are the two different points of the topic. You have argued that the first point is true.

- 1. advertising is successful
- 2. people pay less attention to advertising

You could argue that the second statement is not true.

You could also argue that it is true, but it means one of these consequences.

- a. advertising is losing its power to persuade, and it is less successful now than it was before.
- b. people are getting more inured to advertisements, so companies have to work harder and be more creative or persistent in designing and placing their ads.

The advert should understand 1 the demand of customers what items they adore or hate.2

1. Adverts do not have brains. They cannot understand. What is the real subject?

2. That clause is ungrammatical. It does not fit the sentence.

In contrast, some companies only care about how to put their advertising on the front pages of websites.

Well,, if advertising is all they cared about, not selling their products, they would quickly go out of business.

A conducted 1 survey shows 2 that most people really get annoyed that so much advertising comes on in the middle of their favorite movies.

1. Misplaced and unsuitable. Past participles are mostly postpositions with an adverb phrase

A survey conducted in November 2019 found ...

2. wrong tense. The survey must be completed to have results.

The alternative is the plural form with the present perfect tense

Previously conducted surveys have shown that ...
Surveys on the effectiveness of advertisements have shown...

Furthermore, lots of advertising are so repetitive and not creative.

Incorrect use of "so". Also, advertising is non-count. You cannot use it in a count expression.

Lots of advertisements are so repetitive and monotonous that they put viewers to sleep.
Much of advertising is very repetitive and dull.

In conclusion, people still buy items after they see an advertisement for them. In my view, with the breakout of social media like Facebook or Instagram, advertising will take advantage of them to interact with customers more closely.

Breakout is incorrect.

The sentence is off-topic.

Also, the argument point is not in your body paragraphs. You need to summarize your thesis statement from the first paragraph.

Facebook advertising is not future. It is the entire raison d'etre of the company.

Teachers: We supply a list of EFL job vacancies

Hopefully, it will be the last time for this task that I won't create any wrong structures. I repaired all ungrammatical sentences or verbs or nouns that you gave all advice for me. I also highlighted all my recorrected mistakes so that you check them more quickly.

Advertisement nowadays plays a crucial role in the world of marketing. We can see that it has been increasing significantly through social network platforms. I would argue that advertising has succeeded in persuading us to buy things whatever we need or not. However, advertising is now so prevalent that people are paying less attention to it.

Some strong evidence to say that advertisements could make people possibly be enticed, compelled, or incentivized to spend more money on shopping. Many companies design lots of tactics like giving sales on special occasions or hiring famous artists to act as their representatives. Because the majority of their aims is to approach customers more easily and increase productive selling. Moreover, some companies make unethical or disreputable strategies to advertise new products. Their ads are designed to brainwash people and convince them that if they use their products, they will be happy or successful, or some will fall in love with them. For instance, promoting sales with a discount of 50% in time for Valentine's Day and advertising lots of beauty products that will make your skin better in just a short time. In fact, lots of prevalent products always are sold out in just one day. That is how advertising works quite effectively to attract many customers.

Nevertheless, it is considered that people are getting more inured to advertisements, so companies have to work harder and be more creative or persistent in designing and placing their ads. The adverts’ companies should be suitable to the demand of customers. Surveys on the effectiveness of advertisement have shown that most people really get annoyed that so much advertising comes on in the middle of their favorite movies Furthermore, lots of advertisements are repetitive and monotonous that they put viewers to sleep. In this way, advertising becomes counterproductive because of the brand or product, instead of being associated with delicious and beautiful, just evoke anger and disgust.

In conclusion, people still buy items after they see an advertisement for them. However, drawing more attention to people really needs companies to have more creative and useful advertising.

Anna WalkerAdvertisement nowadays plays a crucial role in the world of marketing.

You did not read my earlier advice. You keep repeating the same mistakes. There were three problems in the original sentence. You fixed only one of them.

Advertisements 1 nowadays 2 has played play 3 a crucial role in the world of marketing.

Explanation for changes:

1. The concept or abstract noun is "advertising". The concrete noun is "advertisement." So you can write either of these:
Advertising plays a crucial role in the world of marketing. (preferred)
Advertisements play a crucial role in the world of marketing.

2. With a present tense verb, "nowadays" is superfluous. Also, this word is not very academic.

3. The present perfect indicates that the age of advertising is finished. Certainly, that is not true.

It's my fault, teacher. I will be more careful. I will fix them again. And what about task 1: Pie chart and table. I also rewrite it carefully and post it on the original post. Could you see a bit and check it so that I could finish it and write a new task 1, please?

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