I find my composition a little too plain on using words, can you help me to color it and give some instructive suggestions on how to make sentences diversify?Thanks a milion miliion.

Many universities are adopting Internet-based e-learning to replace or support traditional, face-to-face teaching. Which would you prefer? Support your view.

Some university are adopting Internet-based e-learning while others are sticking to the traditional, face-to-face teaching, personally, I prefer the former.

With the rapid progress of modern technology, the taking-place of traditional ways of living by electronics is inevitable. And education is just part of the trend. This trend is surely not without reasons. Firstly, e-learning offer a more convenient access to the learning resource, since you can receive the lessons in your free time according to your schedule and needn’t to ask for leave if you are ill, you can receive your lessons anywhere, in parks, in subway trains or in a café, even on a beach. What’s more, you needn’t waste several hours on the road to the classroom since with e-learning it’s on your fingertip. The e-learning method also can greatly benefit the disabled person who can’t easily go to university to study thus e-learning gives more people the opportunity to gain knowledge.

Another advantage Internet-based e-learning has over the traditional learning is that e-learning can bring the students into a colorful multimedia world instead of burying them into piles of dull books. With computer, learning can be more fun and effective. The storage of computer can make it possible to store millions of books into one chip while normal classroom can’t do this. Internet offers resources incomparable of any traditional schools.

What’s more, e-learning also can make life easier for a teacher. In the traditional school, a teacher usually stands on the platform over hours and this usually results in physical tiredness. After class, a teacher corrects the students’ assignment one by one, leaning by the desk. After years of hard work a severe neck-ache is usually developed. Also in the traditional class much of the time is wasted on handing in and handing out of the assignments and test papers. All these are both time consuming and physically challenging. With Internet-based e-learning, many assignments can be corrected by computers, a teacher can sit comfortably in a sofa instead of standing on the platform and there’s no need of handing assignments in or out. Everything is just a click away. Besides making a student’s studying more interesting, e-learning also eases the teacher’s heavy work and brings them more freedom and gives them more time to enjoy lives.

Since e-learning has so much advantages outweighing traditional learning, I strongly recommend e-learning method.
Some university universities(you need the plural when you’re using “some”) are adopting Internet-based learning(or “e-learning” for short) while others are sticking to the traditional, face-to-face teaching. Personally, I prefer the former.

I’d like to explain the second change a little more fully than I could manage within the paragraph.

You have used the phrase “Internet-based e-learning”. Now “Internet-based” and the prefix “e-” mean the same thing, so in effect you are using the same adjective twice, which is wrong grammar. Also, “Internet-based learning” and “e-learning” mean the same thing. Hence I have put the word “e-learning” in brackets(parentheses if that’s the term you are comfortable with), showing that it is an abbreviated form of the term “Internet-based learning”.

With the rapid progress of modern technology, the taking-place replacement of traditional ways of living by electronics is inevitable(I think you would do well to change that to “it is inevitable that electronics replace the traditional ways of living”). And education is just part of the trend. This trend is surely not without reasons. Firstly, e-learning offers a more convenient access to the learning resource, since you can receive the lessons in your free time according to your schedule and needn’t to ask for leave if you are ill,. You (I am shortening the sentences because it makes things clearer and adds a bit of emphasis) can receive your lessons anywhere, - in parks, in subway trains or in a café, even on a beach. What’s more, you needn’t waste several hours on the road to the classroom since with e-learning it’s on your fingertips. The e-learning method also can greatly benefit the disabled person who can’t easily go to university to study. thus Thus e-learning gives more people the opportunity to gain knowledge.>>

Another advantage Internet-based e-learning learning has over the traditional learning is that e-learning it can bring the students into a colorful multimedia virtual world instead of burying them into piles of dull books. With computers, learning can be more fun and effective. The storage of a computer can make it possible to store millions of books into one chip while a normal classroom can’t do this. The Internet offers resources incomparable of to those any traditional schools can offer.>>

I have a bit of a problem with this point. No matter in what form the information is fed to the students, the amount of material they have to study remains the same. What’s more, if the information is in a book you can vaguely estimate how much you have to study by the simple process of seeing how fat the book is [:;].

What you may argue is that the computer makes it easier to find relevant portions of information, instead of the students having to search through a hundred books for a single paragraph.

What’s more, e-learning also can make life easier for a teacher. In the traditional school, a teacher usually stands on the platform over for hours and this usually results in physical tiredness. After class, a teacher corrects the students’ assignments one by one, leaning by on the desk. After years of hard work a severe neck-ache is usually developed. Also in the traditional class much of the time is wasted on handing in and handing out of the assignments and test papers. All these are both time consuming and physically challenging. With Internet-based e-learning, many assignments can be corrected by computers, a teacher can sit comfortably in a sofa instead of standing on the platform and there’s no need of handing assignments in or out. Everything is just a click away. Besides making a student’s studying more interesting, e-learning also eases the teacher’s heavy work and brings them more freedom and gives them more time to enjoy lives.>>

Sorry to say I can’t accept your reasoning here. It is much more tiring to sit for hours in front of the computer than to stand and interact directly with other people for the same period of time. Taking classes may be easier via the Internet, but when it comes to checking, I think it would be much better if teachers got to check handwritten sheets rather than brightly glaring screens. Staring too long at the computer screen is really bad for the eyes – I should know, mine are suffering. Emotion: wink

Since e-learning has so much many advantages outweighing over traditional learning, I strongly recommend e-learning method.>> over the traditional face-to-face methods.

“Much” is used for uncountable nouns, while advantages are certainly countable. So you’ll have to change to “many”, I’m afraid. And I think the usage “advantages outweighing…” is incorrect. I’m not sure about that mistake, though I am perfectly sure the change I have made would be accepted by any examiner.



Subsequent posters, please check if the usage of “outweighing” in the last sentence is correct or not, I’m a bit confused.



So far, all I have done is to correct the grammar and point out a few weak links in your essay. (The thin lines, in case you couldn't make them out, are strikethroughs, indicating deletion.) I think you would do quite well if you submitted this. It doesn’t need further decorations and frills.

Thanks for the chance to edit. As you’ve probably guessed, I really love editing and relish any opportunity to indulge my skills in that field.

Hope I could help you – even if a little bit.
- Tearsofjoy.
Thank you so much for your correction!But I doubt if you were to write this compostition you'd prefer the traditional style.

The test paper has said "internet'based e-learning" and I 'm just copying it.Are you sure it's wrong?

The verse in your signature is from " The ghost of Canterville',right?That's really a fantastic book.