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I took time off to go overseas to help James aka dad with his business. He's part owner of an international pharmaceutical equipment manufacturer and because of the recent boom in the Middle East economy, the medical and hospital industry also started to flourish. James called and asked if I wanted to join him and I decided at the time that it was an opportunity of a lifetime.

Even though business has been doing very well, I've decided that even though Middle East is a country in progression, it's not where I want to be and a part of me misses my family and California. So, I decided to move back here to join the Air Force/Air National Guard, because I want to protect the great grizzly bear state, California.

In a nutshell, I took time off for work experience and to broaden my horizons, so to speak.

I've included my resume, so you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.
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Hi,

I don't understand. Is this meant to be a letter that will be sent to a potential employer, along with a resume?

Such letters normally begin by saying what job you are applying for, and then go to highlight the main reasons that they should give you the job. They normally end by politely requesting an interview..

In contrast, this just seems like a chatty and informal letter to a friend.

[ The Middle East is not a country ].

Clive
CliveHi,I don't understand. Is this meant to be a letter that will be sent to a potential employer, along with a resume?Such letters normally begin by saying what job you are applying for, and then go to highlight the main reasons that they should give you the job. They normally end by politely requesting an interview..In contrast, this just seems like a chatty and informal letter to a friend.[ The Middle East is not a country ].Clive
Hi Clive,

It's actually a letter to a counselor of a school. He asked why was the person out of the country for two years.
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Hi,

As I said, it's very chatty and casual. And the Middle East is not a country.

I'll just take a quick look at the English.

I took time off to go overseas to help James aka dad with his business. He's part owner of an international pharmaceutical equipment manufacturer and, because of the recent boom in the Middle East economy, the medical and hospital industry also started to flourish. James called and asked if I wanted to join him and I decided at the time that it was the opportunity of a lifetime.

Even though business has been doing very well, I've decided that even though the Middle East is a country in progress (what do you mean?) it's not where I want to be, and a part of me misses my family and California. So, I decided to move back here to join the Air Force/Air National Guard, because I want to protect the great grizzly bear state, California.

In a nutshell, I took time off for work experience and to broaden my horizons, so to speak.

I've included my resume, so you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

Clive
PreciousJonesJames aka dad
This is very strange. Is James the writer's Dad? Then say so, or just leave out his name and call him "my Dad," which would be more natural.. Is James called "Dad" as a sort of alias? Unlikely.
PreciousJonesEven though business has been doing very well, I've decided that even though Middle East is a country in progression, it's not where I want to be and a part of me misses my family and California. So, I decided to move back here
Tenses are inconsistent.

Also, as has been pointed out, the Middle East is not a country.
I've decided that even though Dubai is a country in progress and is on the rise, it's not where I want to be, and part of me misses my family and California.

Is this better?
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khoff PreciousJonesJames aka dadThis is very strange. Is James the writer's Dad? Then say so, or just leave out his name and call him "my Dad," which would be more natural.. Is James called "Dad" as a sort of alias? Unlikely.PreciousJonesEven though business has been doing very well, I've decided that even though Middle East is a country in progression, it's not where I want to be and a part of me misses my family and California. So, I decided to move back hereTenses are inconsistent. Also, as has been pointed out, the Middle East is not a country.
James is his dad, but he calls him by his first name. His parents are seperated.

Could you help correct the tense inconsistency?

Thanks.
Business has been doing very well, but I've decided that Dubai, a country in progression and on the rise is not where I want to be and a part of me misses my family and California. So, I decided to move back here to join the Air Force/Air National Guard, because I want to protect the great grizzly bear state, California.

Is this a better 2nd paragraph?
PreciousJonesEven though business has been doing very well, I've decided that even though Middle East is a country in progression, it's not where I want to be and a part of me misses my family and California. So, I decided to move back here to join the Air Force/Air National Guard, because I want to protect the great grizzly bear state, California.
The paragraph before this one is in the past (I took time off . . . James called and asked . . . I decided...) so I would continue in the past, like this:

Even though business had been doing very well, I decided that the Middle East was not where I wanted to be. Part of me missed my family and California. So, I decided ...
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