Some believe that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together, while others claim that holding the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues.


At present days, one group of society consider, that nation may be brought together on the global championship, however, another group convinced, that instead of spending cash on such sports events, the government is recommended to invest money on more complicated fields. In this essay, I will look at both opinions and give my own view.

To begin with, one of the main reasons why a number of individuals believe that international competition could make people gather around and make new friends with others. Could be the assumption that spectators and sportsmen have the same aim is to enjoy the show and the country where the competition is held. Moreover, in such events people tend to be welcoming and enthusiastic which may attract new acquaintances. My dad for example, when he was 25 years old, in 2000 he went to the Olympic Games, which was held in Sydney. He says, that there have been a variety of nations, and all of them have been so kind and welcoming. In addition, he met there one couple, with who he is still in touch.

Turning to another view, many individuals consider Olympic Tournament as a not beneficial money investigation. Due to the fact that there are a lot of fields that are needed to be developed, such as medicine, accommodation, education and exhaust fumes. While provincial authorities spend a billion dollars on arrangements, they could improve citizens living conditions, build new skyscrapers, increase doctors’ salaries, provide blackboards to schools or buses and organize the bike-sharing systems in order to reduce carbon dioxide emissions.

Summarizing the ideas mentioned above, there are both strong opinions. In my point of view, well-developed countries, which are able to afford such expenses, may hold Olympic games, however, if the country doesn't have a strong economy, is not recommended to hold.

Some believe that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together, while others claim that holding the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues.


At present days, one group of society consider, that nation may be brought together on the global championship, however, another group convinced, that instead of spending cash on such sports events, the government is recommended to invest money on more complicated fields. In this essay, I will look at both opinions and give my own view.

To begin with, one of the main reasons why a number of individuals believe that international competition could make people gather around and make new friends with others. Could be the assumption that spectators and sportsmen have the same aim is to enjoy the show and the country where the competition is held. Moreover, in such events people tend to be welcoming and enthusiastic which may attract new acquaintances. My dad for example, when he was 25 years old, in 2000 he went to the Olympic Games, which was held in Sydney. He says, that there have been a variety of nations, and all of them have been so kind and welcoming. In addition, he met there one couple, with who he is still in touch.

Turning to another view, many individuals consider Olympic Tournament as a not beneficial money investigation. Due to the fact that there are a lot of fields that are needed to be developed, such as medicine, accommodation, education and exhaust fumes. While provincial authorities spend a billion dollars on arrangements, they could improve citizens living conditions, build new skyscrapers, increase doctors’ salaries, provide blackboards to schools or buses and organize the bike-sharing systems in order to reduce carbon dioxide emissions.

Summarizing the ideas mentioned above, there are both strong opinions. In my point of view, well-developed countries, which are able to afford such expenses, may hold Olympic games, however, if the country doesn't have a strong economy, is not recommended to hold.

Le SunflowerSome believe that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together, while others claim that holding the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues.

That is not complete. What is the essay prompt?

I will assume this:

Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?

At present days, (unnatural) one group of society consider, (wrong verb form, no comma) that nation (wrong form) may be brought together on the global championship, (comma splice error, ungrammatical sentence.) however, another group convinced, (wrong verb form, no comma) that instead of spending cash on such sports events, the government should is recommended to invest money on in more important things like education, healthcare and infrastructure. complicated (wrong word) fields. In this essay, I will look at both opinions and give my own view.


Never mention your essay.

The examiner knows you are writing an essay. They know the instructions.

Do not just write the instructions in your first paragraph! That is not your opinion. It does not answer the essay prompt. It will not impress the examiner.

Write your opinion instead. This is an example for your essay.

I firmly believe that rich developed countries can well afford to host the Olympics, and they should. But poorer countries should save their precious funds for more important purposes.


To begin with, one of the main reasons [ why a number of individuals believe that international competition could make people gather around and make new friends with others ]. (You have a long noun phrase for a subject, but the sentence has no main verb. ungrammatical. The blue brackets are the dependent clause that modifies "reasons." The subject "one" has no predicate.) Could be the assumption that spectators and sportsmen have the same aim is to enjoy the show and the country where the competition is held. (Again, you have a verb and predicate, but no subject. Ungrammatical) Moreover, in such events people tend to be welcoming and enthusiastic which may attract new acquaintances. My dad for example, when he was 25 years old, in 2000 he (There are two subjects, "dad' and "he". The sentence is ungrammatical. Here are the alternatives that are natural and grammatical

In 2000 when my dad was 25 years old, he went...
For example, my dad, when he was 25 years old, went....

)

went to the Olympic Games, which was held in Sydney. He says, (no comma) that there were have been a variety of nations, and all of them had have been so kind and welcoming. In addition, he met there one couple there, with whom he is still in touch.

Turning to another view, many individuals consider the Olympic Games Tournament a (Use the official name) as a not beneficial money investigation. (wrong word) Due to the fact that there are a lot of other things that need investment fields that are needed to be developed, such as medicine, low-cost housing, accommodation, education and exhaust fumes. (I don't know anyone that wants to invest in smoke.) While provincial authorities spend a billion dollars on arrangements, (I do not understand. Arrangements for what?) they could improve citizens living conditions, build new skyscrapers, increase doctors’ salaries, provide blackboards or busses to schools or buses and organize a the bike-sharing systems in order to reduce carbon dioxide emissions.

Summarizing these ideas mentioned above, (Use the demonstrative adjective "these" - not "mentioned". That is what these words are for.) there are both strong opinions. In my point of view, well-developed the developed countries, which are able to afford such expenses, may hold the Olympic Games, (comma splice error, ungrammatical sentence.) however, if the country doesn't (Do not use contractions in formal writing.) have a strong economy, it is not recommended to hold them.

I am so sorry for not mentioning the question. Yes, that's ritght. It is "Discuss both sides and give your own opinion" . Thank you very much indeed for your detailed corection. I really appreciate it.