Hy!!

Task 1: From the text "Unsinkable Subject", produce a short, dramatic eye-witness account of the sinking by a survivor. Use your own words as far as possible and make your account lively.

My brother and I were in our cabin, reading books. At about 11:30 PM we felt that the Titanic drove with a higher speed than the past days. We didn’t mind and kept up on reading, but a short time after the acceleration we felt a vibration. We talked about few theories what happened, but we thought it wasn’t anything important, so we read, after a short time of discussing, again.

Suddenly Amy, a girl we met on the Titanic, came in our room and told us that the Titanic had crushed into an iceberg. She told us we should take a jacket and come with her to know what the captain wanted us to do. We went with her on the deck and saw that the first few lifeboats were launched. Many people were crying, some were totally pale, but all fought to get a place in a boat.

Amy and I also shoved to get a place. I looked where my brother was, but I couldn’t see him. I began to cry, I wanted to go back to search for him, but Amy held my arm and got me in a lifeboat.

In the boat were much more people than it was built for. Some people lay on the ground, some kneeled, some sat and some stood, glad to be alive, but shocked to hear many other people, who were still on the titanic, screaming for help.

I can’t remember many things that happened after that. I just know that it was really, really cold and I could hear the waves. Amy told me that screamed my brother’s name. And then a man got me in another ship and I got a blanket and suddenly somebody screamed my name. It was my brother’s voice. A woman ran towards me and hugged me. I didn’t get why she was doing this, but she looked at me and then I knew what was going on: it was my brother who wore my dress, my hat and my make-up. He had disguised himself as a woman, because he knew that he would have greater chances to get into a lifeboat.

thanks
Denkmal
Hi Denkmal,

I think you can juice up the story a bit more. Use more dialogues. Show instead of tell.

Just my 2 cents.
thank you for reading it!

Haven't u found any grammar mistakes?
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