This is my first post. I will be very grateful if some one corrects my motivation letter to a university.
Thanks in advance.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing to you to apply for the Master’s Degree in ****** in which I am particularly interested.

I am a prospective student from Bhutan, a small country in the Himalayas. Ever since I learnt about your programme I have taken keen interest in pursuing it for my graduate studies. I strongly believe in the Programme's goals; they are in line with my interest and background and a university with a high reputation like **** is the best place to achieve my career objectives.

I obtained my Bachelor of Computer Science degree at the University of Delhie, India in 2003. I have been working as a systems administrator for the nation's fastest growing bank, Bank of Bhutan for the last three years. I have been involved in maintaining the onsite and offsite branches, setting up the system for the first ATM (Automated Teller Machine) in the nation. I also look after various servers like Windows Server 2003 Enterprise Edition, Chat Server, eTrust Integrated Threat Management (ITM) Server, Microsoft Windows Update Server, Network Access Controller (NAC), and Automated Teller Machine (ATM) Server and so on in a regular basis.

I was awarded the certificate of achievement for MCSE (Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer) in 2006 from India and in 2007 from NIIT, Bangkok, Thailand.

Bhutan is undergoing historical changes, both politically and economically. There is an acute shortage of skilled labor, especially in the field of information technology. Bhutan therefore has to depend on donor agencies and foreign consultants. As an individual who is very invested in IT, my aim is to complete Master degree and help facilitate this change. My education would benefit greatly from this since Bhutan in IT infrastructures and research still has a long way to go. I cannot imagine missing this great opportunity.

I feel technology is the solution for the under-developed to become developed in future. Technology is the aid that will help Bhutan move into the next century where all our problems will be a distant memory then. I hope to be a pioneer in achieving this goal. My goal is to widen my scope of knowledge with a Master’s Degree in **** .

The program is an excellent course to pursue my education, not only because it is an English speaking country but because it is also one of the most leading countries in IT technology in the world. So, I will be close to new discoveries and achievements in my area of specialization and able to learn all I can from the abundant scientific resources. On the other hand, getting a master's degree from a multicultural country will enhance my cultural experience. The programme seems like the perfect opportunity to meet other cultures, learn another language, experience other educational system and enrich my curriculum vitae, as well as gain more independence.

Finally, I strongly believe that getting a master's degree will be a great benefit for me as it will definitely help raising my academic background and enhancing my characteristics. It will also be an advantage for the local society as it will form an alliance to the modern science that started to find its way here.

Of an exceptional motivation, I strongly imply myself in my academic and professional activities to carry out my objectives. I had the pleasure to meet varied cultures and to affirm my intrapersonal ease. Opened to others, speaking three foreign languages in addition to my Dzongkha mother tongue (Hindi, English and Nepali) I have a very strong desire to pursue a career in your institutions, thus allowing my blooming on the personal level as well as professional.

I hope that I will be accepted as an applicant in the 2008 academic years. I am confident that I am qualified and prepared to meet all requirements of the application. I would be grateful if you could give my application your most favorable consideration.

Kindly contact me if you require any further details or documents. I look forward to your positive response.

Thank you very much for considering my request.

Yours faithfully,

Myname.
Please HELPPPP. My Application deathline is on next week...

Anybody please do HEAR my PRAYERS.

Emotion: sadEmotion: sadEmotion: sad
AnimalThis is my first post. I will be very grateful if some one corrects my motivation letter to a university.
Thanks in advance.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing to you to apply for the Master’s Degree in ****** in which I am particularly interested.

I am a prospective student from Bhutan, a small country in the Himalayas. Ever since I learnt about your programme I have taken keen interest in pursuing it for my graduate studies. I strongly believe in the Programme's goals; they are in line with my interest and background and a university with a high reputation like **** is the best place to achieve my career objectives.

I obtained my Bachelor of Computer Science degree at the University of Delhie, India in 2003. I have been working as a systems administrator for the nation's fastest growing bank, Bank of Bhutan for the last three years. I have been involved in maintaining the onsite and offsite branches, setting up the system for the first ATM (Automated Teller Machine) in the nation. I also look after various servers like Windows Server 2003 Enterprise Edition, Chat Server, eTrust Integrated Threat Management (ITM) Server, Microsoft Windows Update Server, Network Access Controller (NAC), and Automated Teller Machine (ATM) Server and so on in a regular basis.

I was awarded the certificate of achievement for MCSE (Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer) in 2006 from India and in 2007 from NIIT, Bangkok, Thailand.

Bhutan is undergoing historical changes, both politically and economically. There is an acute shortage of skilled labor, especially in the field of information technology. Bhutan therefore has to depend on donor agencies and foreign consultants. As an individual who is very invested in IT, my aim is to complete Master degree and help facilitate this change. My education would benefit greatly from this since Bhutan in IT infrastructures and research still has a long way to go. I cannot imagine missing this great opportunity.

I feel technology is the solution for the under-developed to become developed in future. Technology is the aid that will help Bhutan move into the next century where all our problems will be a distant memory then. I hope to be a pioneer in achieving this goal. My goal is to widen my scope of knowledge with a Master’s Degree in **** .

The program is an excellent course to pursue my education, not only because it is an English speaking country but because it is also one of the most leading countries in IT technology in the world. So, I will be close to new discoveries and achievements in my area of specialization and able to learn all I can from the abundant scientific resources. On the other hand, getting a master's degree from a multicultural country will enhance my cultural experience. The programme seems like the perfect opportunity to meet other cultures, learn another language, experience other educational system and enrich my curriculum vitae, as well as gain more independence.

Finally, I strongly believe that getting a master's degree will be a great benefit for me as it will definitely help raising my academic background and enhancing my characteristics. It will also be an advantage for the local society as it will form an alliance to the modern science that started to find its way here.

Of an exceptional motivation, I strongly imply myself in my academic and professional activities to carry out my objectives. I had the pleasure to meet varied cultures and to affirm my intrapersonal ease. Opened to others, speaking three foreign languages in addition to my Dzongkha mother tongue (Hindi, English and Nepali) I have a very strong desire to pursue a career in your institutions, thus allowing my blooming on the personal level as well as professional.

I hope that I will be accepted as an applicant in the 2008 academic years. I am confident that I am qualified and prepared to meet all requirements of the application. I would be grateful if you could give my application your most favorable consideration.

Kindly contact me if you require any further details or documents. I look forward to your positive response.

Thank you very much for considering my request.

Yours faithfully,

Myname.
Hi,

1. It seems that many setences start with "I", which implies that you are quite self-centered.
2. the whole structure is not compact enough. I would be great if you could write a story, with a logical order.