Essay title: The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology.
Nowadays, the aim of education is to make youngsters to get ready for the modern world. Nevertheless, schools need to concentrate on beneficial parts such as information technology, and others that are likely art and music should be eliminated from their learning path. Personally, my opinion is very much at odds with the view that removing these subjects of the children’s curriculum.
First and foremost, without these subjects, schools are going to bored undoubtedly. The curriculum only surrounded these theoretical subjects, which obligated the student to commit a piece of knowledge to memory. Following that, the study program will lack diversity and lead children to be uninterested and overloaded, as well as pose a detrimental impact on their learning. Thus, removing art and music could make studying boring and discourage students from going to school on daily basis.
Besides, if schools take art and music out of the syllabus, children may not gain a totally comprehensive development. It is undeniable to say that art and music are not simply for entertainment, they are also key ingredients for the growth of both the physical and mental ego. For example, working with materials such as paints, crayons, and clays encourages the development of sound fine motor skills in young children and boosts hand-eye coordination. Besides, creative expression provides opportunities for young children to try out new ideas, develop their imaginations, or express their experiences and emotions through communicative avenues other than verbal. This can help develop self-confidence as well.
To sum up, I totally disagree with reducing art and music from the curriculum. Instead. Instead, I believe that we should invest more in the growth of these topics when considering the student’s learning experience and comprehensive development in the future.
What is the prompt for this task? You did not post the complete instructions.
Every IELTS task has a statement and a prompt. The prompt tells you how to answer and what type of essay to write.
The prompt is very very important.
Trần Hà ChiNowadays, the aim of education is to make youngsters to get ready for the modern world.
It is not a good opening.
First, it has always been the purpose of education, not just "nowadays".
Second, it is just a rote copy of the task instructions.
Third, "youngsters" is a very informal word. It is not appropriate for a formal essay.
Forth, "make to get ready" is not a valid verb phrase. The use of "make" as a causative verb follows this pattern
subject + make + someone / something + bare verb + object
e.g.
Mother made me wash my hands.
The great score on the essay made the student happy.
Father made Hong get ready to go to school.
Trần Hà ChiNevertheless, schools need to concentrate on beneficial parts such as information technology, and others that are likely art and music should be eliminated from their learning path.
Nevertheless: You did not use this transition word correctly.
Nevertheless is for a contrast of ideas.
e.g.
Students need to stay up late working on their homework so that they will learn the lesson. Nevertheless, they need a good night's sleep to be alert in class the next day.
Part is not a good word here.
Learning path is not a good phrase.
Here is a better opening:
Young people need to graduate high school prepared for tertiary education or starting a career in their community. Because of the importance of computing in our modern society, schools need to add subjects such as information technology to the curriculum. These have to replace other less important classes such as art and music.
Sorry for my carelessness. It is a "agree/ disagree" essay. Thank you for helping me with my work.
What is the prompt?
1. Do you agree or disagree?
2. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is "To what extent do you agree or disagree?"