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Essay 4: Prison is the common way in most countries to solve the problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people with a better education.


It would be reasonable to say that incarceration is a common way many governments use to deal with criminals. In my humble opinion, however, I would say that education is a much more effective solution, especially long-term speaking.


The first reason to back up the aforementioned point of view is that education keeps people away from crimes. The poverty cycle plays a huge role in crime rates spiking. Many people commit illegal actions simply because they can’t even make ends meet for their families. And this is sadly due to their lack of proper education to have any sort of decently-paid jobs so that they can feed their children without having to go robbing or stealing from others. Most families with too many kids don’t have much knowledge about birth control or abortion, putting those kids right into the cycle that their parents are in. Providing kids with proper education not only give them the tools for legal job opportunities, but also with the process of decision-making.


Aside from that, education also keeps ex-convicts from ending right back in jail. Re-entrance into society can be an enormous challenge for anyone, especially former felons. Nowadays, you have to include your criminal records with your curriculum vitae when looking for a job, and many employers wouldn’t take a second look at you when they know that you went to prison. Adding that to the fact that they didn’t learn any practical skills during the time they spent in jail, I believe that their chane of having a job is basically zero. Therefore, investing into educational programs, for example the GED program, is a proven beneficial choice at keeping the recidivism rate low.


In conclusion, I strongly consider that education is the answer to reducing crime rates than putting people in jail.

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You did not include the essay prompt. It is essential to answer the question directly. So I do not know how you will score on "task response."


It would be reasonable to say that incarceration is a common method way many governments use to deal with criminals. In my humble opinion, however, I would say that education is a much more effective solution, especially long-term speaking.(I don't know what long-term speaking is.)

The first reason to back up my the aforementioned (Remove this word from your vocabulary. It is antiquated. Use pronouns, especially demonstrative adjectives to refer to previous points or ideas.) ) point of view is that education keeps people away from crimes. The poverty cycle plays a huge ("huge" and "big" are baby words. Avoid them in academic writing.) major role in elevated or increasing crime rates spiking. Many people commit illegal actions simply because they can’t (Do not use contractions in formal writing.) even make ends meet for their families. And this is sadly due to their lack of the proper education which provides the skills and knowledge to have a any sort of decently-paying job id jobs so that they can feed their children without having to go robbing or stealing from others. Most families with too many children kids ("kid" is rather informal and casual) don’t have much knowledge about birth control or abortion, putting those kids right condemning them to into the cycle that their parents are in. Providing kids with the proper education not only give them the tools for legal good job opportunities, but also with the process of wise decision-making.


Aside from that, education also keeps ex-convicts from ending right back in jail. Re-entrance into society can be an enormous challenge for anyone, especially former felons. Nowadays, you have to include your criminal record records with your curriculum vitae when looking for a job, and many employers wouldn’t take a second look at you when they know that you went to prison. Adding that to the fact that they didn’t learn any practical skills during the time they spent in jail, I believe that their chane of having a job is basically zero. Therefore, investing in into educational programs, for example the GED program, is a proven to be effective beneficial choice at keeping the recidivism rate low.


In conclusion, I strongly believe / insist / assert / maintain / argue / claim consider that education is the answer to reducing crime rates, not than putting people in jail.

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Comments  

How can I be more direct with those two points of mine? Thank you.

Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.
Trần Hoàng Châu LinhHow can I be more direct with those two points of mine? Thank you.

I am not sure what you are asking. I gave you feedback on the grammar, vocabulary and spelling in your essay.

The argument points are fairly clear.

You did not include the essay prompt. It is essential to answer the question directly. So I do not know how you will score on "task response."

I misunderstood this part.

Thank you for replying, I appreciate it.