The diagram gives information about how many male and female postgraduates studying six science-related subjects at a UK university in 2009. As you can see from the chart, almost the number of men is higher than the women in most of the subjects. However, the percentage of men, who learned Veterinary Medicine had fewer than women.

At the first glance, physics, astronomy, and geology, which mostly picked by the male. In Physics, the number of men accounts for more than 200, nearly 4 times as much as that of the women. This trend could be observed similar in the case of Astronomy and Geology, the quantities of male in both reach at 150 pupils, whilst the female stood at more than 50 students for the Astronomy, and nearly 100 pupils for the Geology.

Moreover, the men students, who joined in Biology, Medicine, remained higher than women. The men, who participated in the Biology faculty, hit the highest at closely 250 students more than the women 50 pupils. A similar pattern was seen in Medicine, the men reach 200 pupils over nearly 50 students compared with women. Though, the Veterinary Medicine was chosen by the female had the data at 100 pupils over one haft the men.

In summary, male research students in the UK in 2009 prefer to join in Physics, Astronomy, Biology, Medicine, while female research students mostly participated in Veterinary Medicine.

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Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

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Topic:

The chart below shows the numbers of male and female research students studying six science-related subjects at a UK university in 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make...

Please copy the instructions accurately and completely so we can evaluate your task response.

My essay:

(Your text here...)

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panh16072001 Please give me a feedback

Feedback is non-count. Do not use the indefinite article "a."

Are you sure you meant "pupils"?

You need to practice Task 1 a lot more. You make many mistakes.

One error is that you wrote over 230 words, while the minimum is 150.

You will not lose points for writing more; however, longer essays generally do not get high scores. There are many reasons.

First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for these errors. This is especially true in your case, since you make grammar and vocabulary mistakes.

Second, especially in Task 2, your writing may be repetitious and wordy. In Task 1, you are likely writing about everything, rather than following the instructions and picking out only the significant points. This will cost you points.

Third, you will take a lot of the limited time writing, and not have time left over to proofread your essay. You will miss the silly mistakes, and that lowers your score.

Fourth, you will not have enough time to devote to Task 2, and get a lower score there. Task 2 counts twice as much for your overall score.


Another mistake is writing a summary paragraph.

Read my advice, study the math and science vocabulary words and practice more essays. You will improve.


IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post


The diagram (Write the correct name of the figure. Read my advice linked above) for the names


gives information about (That is very vague. Just write what is plotted) how many male and female postgraduates studying six science-related subjects at a UK university in 2009. (What are the subjects? Tell the reader how many disciplines there are and their names. You must begin a new paragraph here. The topic has changed from describing the figure, to telling the reader the main features in data content )


As you can see from the chart, (That is "filler" or useless information. There is only one chart. Your task is to describe it.) almost the number (Ungrammatical phrase.) of men is higher than the women in most of the subjects. However, the percentage of men, who learned (wrong word) Veterinary Medicine had fewer than women.

(Ungrammatical and incorrect information. There were more women than men.) At the first glance, (That is very bad. The lecturer does not want you to glance at this figure. You should study it and report the information.) physics, astronomy, and geology, which mostly picked by the male. (There is not one man here, "the male". There are many. Also, you did not write a full sentence. It is a noun phrase.) In Physics, the number of men is accounts for more than 200, nearly 4 (Write small numbers that are not data values in words.) four times as much (wrong word. Much is for non-count items.) as that of the women. This trend (wrong word. A trend is a value that increases or decreases over time. There is no time variable on this chart.) could be observed is similar in the case of Astronomy and Geology, the quantities (wrong word. Quantity is not used for people. It is mainly for non-count items.) of male (wrong form) in both reach at 150 pupils, whilst the female (There is not one woman here, "the female". There are many.) stood at more than 50 students for the Astronomy, and nearly 100 pupils for the Geology.

Moreover, the men students, who joined in Biology, Medicine, remained higher than women. The men, who participated in the Biology faculty, hit the highest at closely 250 students more than the women 50 pupils. A similar pattern was seen in Medicine, the men reach 200 pupils over nearly 50 students compared with women. Though, the Veterinary Medicine was chosen by the female had the data at 100 pupils over one haft the men.


(Do not write a summary paragraph for Task 1. It is required in Task 2.)

In summary, male research students in the UK in 2009 prefer to join in Physics, Astronomy, Biology, Medicine, while female research students mostly participated in Veterinary Medicine.

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