Topic: Facebook Is Becoming More And More Central To Our Life As It Has Obvious Benefits, But There Are Dangers It May Exert Over Our Lives.

My essay:

In the age of technological advancement, Facebook is rapidly dominating the entire time spent of our lives as a result of remarkable benefits. An important controversy centring on how Facebook minute by minute becoming indispensable concerns potential threats put on our lives. In my perspective, I wholeheartedly agree that Facebook brings out several negative impacts besides noticeably positive factors.


First and foremost, Facebook enhances the high risk of personal information invasion. In reality, there are many instances of infringement of privacy, such as location information, relationship, bank account, etc., due to the poor security of Facebook. As a result, this unacceptable act can drive a human into anxiety disorder or depression, thus harming their health, not to mention the risk of financial loss.


Secondly, Facebook drives people to be inactive and isolate themselves in their own homes every time they are free. As far as I am aware, people use Facebook at least 8 hours per day, so most of us are riveted on Facebook chatting, watching funny videos without concerning the time spent. Worryingly, this can lead people to be more isolated and suffer both physical health problems related to eyes, bones and mental disorders such as depression. According to recent research, children increasingly have difficulty in communication because of overusing Facebook.


In contrast, some may argue that if we are not using Facebook 24/24, we can not keep up to date with news on the world. I concede that Facebook keeps us informed of the rapid changes in the world. However, using it all day long can bring about detrimental effects on mental abilities and working capacity. As we have our eyes glued on Facebook all day, many distractors can interrupt our attention span and we hardly catch up with working or studying tasks.


In conclusion, I am convinced that it is true that Facebook inflicts so much harm to our lives. The low security of Facebook can enable hackers or intruders to violate our personal information. Besides, Facebook can lead us to isolated lives and reduce mental abilities and working capacity as well.

In the age of technological advancement, Facebook is rapidly dominating the entire time spent of our lives as a result of remarkable benefits. An important controversy centring on how Facebook minute by minute becoming indispensable concerns potential threats put on our lives. In my perspective, I wholeheartedly agree that Facebook brings out several negative impacts besides noticeably positive factors.

First and foremost, Facebook enhances the high risk of personal information invasion. In reality, there are many instances of infringement of privacy, such as location information, relationship, bank account, etc., due to the poor security of Facebook. As a result, this unacceptable act can drive a human into anxiety disorder or depression, thus harming their health, not to mention the risk of financial loss.

Secondly, Facebook drives people to be inactive and isolate themselves in their own homes every time they are free. As far as I am aware, people use Facebook at least 8 hours per day, so most of us are riveted on Facebook chatting, watching funny videos without concerning the time spent. Worryingly, this can lead people to be more isolated and suffer both physical health problems related to eyes, bones and mental disorders such as depression. According to recent research, children increasingly have difficulty in communication because of overusing Facebook.

In contrast, some may argue that if we are not using Facebook 24/24, we can not keep up to date with news on the world. I concede that Facebook keeps us informed of the rapid changes in the world. However, using it all day long can bring about detrimental effects on mental abilities and working capacity. As we have our eyes glued on Facebook all day, many distractors can interrupt our attention span and we hardly catch up with working or studying tasks.

In conclusion, I am convinced that it is true that Facebook inflicts so much harm on our lives. The low security of Facebook can enable hackers or intruders to violate our personal information. Besides, Facebook can lead us to isolated lives and reduce mental abilities and working capacity as well.

First, "feedback" is non-count. We do not use the plural form.
Second, the essay instructions you enclosed are not complete. What is the essay prompt?

I will assume these instructions (copied from the "testbig" website):

Facebook is becoming more and more central to our life as it has obvious benefits, but there are dangers it may exert over our lives.
Do you agree or disagree with this opinion? You should write at least 250 words.

If your instructions are different, my feedback regarding "task response" may not be correct.

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Thank you very much for pointing out this. My full topic is that:

Facebook is becoming more and more central to our life as it has obvious benefits, but there are dangers it may exert over our lives.
Do you agree or disagree with this opinion? You should write at least 250 words.

Thank you very much for pointing out this. My complete topic is the same as the one that you mentioned ( copied from a "testbig" website):

Facebook is becoming more and more central to our life as it has obvious benefits, but there are dangers it may exert over our lives.
Do you agree or disagree with this opinion? You should write at least 250 words.

You wrote nearly 350 words.

The minimum is 250. You will not lose points for writing more; however, longer essays generally do not get high scores. There are many reasons.

First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for each of those errors.

Second, your writing may be repetitious and wordy. This will cost you points in task completion or coherence and cohesion.

Third, you will likely stray off-topic, and examiners will deduct points if you are not focused on the topic. You will also be tempted to use weak or unsound arguments or even contradict yourself. Develop just two or three argument points with examples.

Fourth, you will take a lot of time writing, and not have time left over to proofread your essay. You will miss the silly mistakes, and that lowers your score.


Fifth, you will not have enough time to spend on Task 1, and get a lower score there.

Aim to write around 270 words for Task 2. Practice writing a lot of essays so you get a feeling for the length.


In the age of technological advancement, (That makes no sense. Every age has been an age of technological advancement since humans became a sentient species. They developed the technology of stone tools, writing, farming, and even paper production. You must be specific when mentioning "technology.") Facebook is rapidly dominating the entire time spent of our lives (unnatural) as a result of its remarkable benefits. An important controversy centring on how Facebook minute by minute becoming indispensable concerns potential threats (That is not a good word sequence. It is a jumble of words. ) put on our lives. In my perspective, I wholeheartedly agree that Facebook has brings out several negative impacts besides noticeably positive ones factors.

Your first paragraph is mostly poor English. You are trying to write at an advanced level, but your writing skills are at a much lower level. This has disastrous results. Instead, write simple sentences using words that you understand well. You will get a better score.

First and foremost, Facebook subjects us to enhances the high risk of someone stealing our personal information invasion. (wrong word) In reality, there are many instances of infringement on of privacy, such as location information, (That is not an infringement on privacy and neither are the other two examples you give.) relationship, bank account, etc., (Do not use ellipses, "etc." or phrases such as "and so on" in formal essays.) due to the poor security of Facebook. As a result, this unacceptable act can drive anyone a human (wrong word) into suffering from an anxiety disorder or depression, thus harming their health, not to mention the risk of financial loss. (You did not explain this very clearly. There were many missing steps, requiring the reader to connect the dots. )

Secondly, Facebook drives causes people to be inactive and isolate themselves in their own homes every time they are free. As far as I am aware, people use Facebook at least eight 8 hours per day, so most of us are riveted on Facebook chatting and watching funny videos without being aware of concerning the time spent. Worryingly, this can lead people to be more isolated and suffer both (This means two, but you list many more than two.) physical health problems related to eyes, bones (You do not explain how this happens. Your points are not well thought out.) and mental disorders such as depression. (You repeat the same argument as in the last paragraph. ) According to recent research, children increasingly have difficulty in communication because of overusing Facebook.

(Write only two body paragraphs for Task 2. )

In contrast, some may argue that if we are not using Facebook 24/24, (wrong expression. ) we can not keep up to date with the world news on the world. I concede that Facebook keeps us informed of the rapid changes in the world. However, using it all day long can bring about detrimental effects on mental abilities (This is the third time you repeat this point.) and working capacity. As we have our eyes glued on Facebook all day, many distractors (I don't know what you mean. Are other people taking your attention away from Facebook?) ) can interrupt our attention span and we hardly catch up with working or studying tasks.


In conclusion, I am convinced that it is true that (Meaningless filler words) Facebook inflicts so much harm to our lives. The low security of Facebook can enable hackers or intruders to violate (wrong word. Information can be stolen or compromised, but not violated.) our personal information. Besides, Facebook can lead us to isolated lives and reduce mental abilities and working capacity as well.

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I'm really grateful for your help and review of my essay. I will definitely follow your salutary advice