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It is argued that the parents of children who break the law should be punished in some way, because they are responsible for their children’s actions. To what extent do you agree?

I'm struggling with my IELTS writing task 2, it would be wonderful if someone can lend a hand. Many thanks!

Essay:

In recent years, juvenile crime has become much more popular. There is an argument that parents of these young lawbreakers should be punished as educating children is their responsibility. I completely agree with this view.

The first and foremost reason why parents should be held responsible for their children’s actions is that it is the parents’ job to educate their children. Children often do not perceive what is legally accepted, therefore, parents should be the ones who show them how to behave properly. For most children, a lack of parental guide could easily result in committing a crime. For example, it is reported that the majority of children who engaged in criminal activities in the UK did not have the knowledge that their action is considered illegal. This fundamental knowledge should be taught carefully by parents and if this cannot be done, faults belong to these educators.

Furthermore, if parents are not punished because of their children’s behavior, there might be a sharp drop in child care responsibility. Without clear regulations to make parents more responsible for their children, they would pay less attention to their offspring and spend less time correcting children’s behavior. This is likely due to the reason that nobody would be convicted and fined if children take part in unlawful acts. Therefore, if this is the case, child-rearing tasks would not receive the respect that it should have and there is a high possibility that teenage crime would continue to rise.

In conclusion, there is an important mission for society to reduce the amount of crime among young children. In my opinion, imposing strict punishment on parents plays a pivotal role in this objective.

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Hello,

I have made corrections in red.

My comments and advice are blue.

Long wordy or confusing parts are underlined and crossed out.

It is argued that the parents of children who break the law should be punished in some way, because they are responsible for their children’s actions. To what extent do you agree?

I'm struggling with my IELTS writing task 2, it would be wonderful if someone can lend a hand. Many thanks!

Essay:

In recent years, juvenile crime has become much more popular. prevalent. There is an argument that parents of these young lawbreakers should be punished as because educating children is their responsibility. I completely agree with this view.

The first and foremost reason why parents should be held responsible for their children’s actions is that it is the parents’ job to educate their children. Children often do not perceive (understand ) what is legally accepted, acceptable ;therefore, parents should be the ones who show them how to behave properly. For most children, a lack of parental guide guidance could easily result in them committing a crime. For example, it is reported that the majority of children who engaged in criminal activities in the UK did not have the knowledge know that their action is was considered illegal. This fundamental knowledge should be taught carefully by parents and if this cannot be done, faults belong to these educators. then the blame should lie with the parents.

Furthermore, if parents are not punished because of their children’s behavior, then there might be a sharp drop in childcare responsibility. Without clear regulations to make parents more responsible for their children, they would pay less attention to their offspring and spend less time correcting their children’s behavior. This is likely due to the reason that nobody would be convicted and fined if children take part in unlawful acts. Therefore, if this is the case, child-rearing tasks would not receive the respect that it should have and then there is a high possibility that teenage crime would continue to rise.

In conclusion, there it is an important mission for society to reduce the amount of crime among young children. In my opinion, , and imposing strict punishment on parents who don’t take responsibility for their children's actions ,plays a pivotal role in this achieving this objective.

COMMENTS

1. You use some good vocabulary here.

2. Your punctuation is OK. Check the punctuation before and after the word therefore

3. Try to avoid long wordy sentences such as the ones I have crossed out and underlined.

4. Try not to say in my opinion in your conclusion . Save this for the thesis statement. The examiner knows that what you write is your opinion.

5. You have some good ideas and on the whole your writing flows quite well with only a few grammar errors.

6. Look at my corrections in red and try to understand why they are errors by doing some research.

7, Try to use more connectors between related sentences e.g and, so, and then etc.

8. Some of your sentences are bit long. Try to vary the types of sentences you use. e.g simple, compound, complex.

I hope that helps.


Comments  

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